Emmys' Top Ten Finalists

The 60th Annual Emmy Awards will be held on September 21st at 8pm on ABC, but before then, we have to have some nominees.

Those won't be announced until July 17th, but the Academy did announce the top ten drama and comedy finalists.

The top ten comedies are:  "Curb Your Enthusiasm," "Entourage," "Family Guy," "The Office," "Pushing Daisies," "30 Rock," "Flight of the Conchords," "Two and a Half Men," "Ugly Betty" and "Weeds."

The top ten dramas are:  "Boston Legal," "Damages," "Dexter," "House," "Lost," "Friday Night Lights," "Grey's Anatomy," "The Tudors," "The Wire," and "Mad Men."

According to the Academy announcement:

Step two in the process will be the Blue Ribbon Panel screenings, which will be conducted throughout this weekend of June 28-29.

The results of those panels, who will watch and judge the work of each finalist, represent 50 percent of the vote. Both results will be averaged together to come up with our five nominees in each category.

Now I have to admit, the only show I watch on the comedy list is "Ugly Betty."  So my final five comedies would be "Ugly Betty," "Ugly Betty," "Ugly Betty," "Ugly Betty," and "Ugly Betty."  I would have included "Desperate Housewives," but it seems the Academy didn't find "DH" worthy this year.  Boo on them.

My top five dramas are much more varied because I watch everything on that list except, "The Wire," "Boston Legal," and "Friday Night Lights."  So my drama nominees would be "Dexter," "House," "Lost," "Damages," "Grey's Anatomy," and "The Tudors." 

Oh wait...that's six. 

Too bad.  I can't choose just five.

I'll leave that to the Academy and then rip them apart when they get it wrong.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Free" (5/18/08)

This episode takes place the day after the end of the previous episode, "The Gun Song."

Kat goes to the police station to report Adam's kidnapping by Psycho Daddy. It makes her flashback to another time when she reported Psycho Daddy after he beat her up.  A policewoman gave her the advice to take Dylan and run because his cop friends would never put Psycho Daddy away.  They played golf together after all.

Flash forward to Kat in present day, and Detective Pete, who also plays golf with Psycho Daddy, won't take Kat seriously either.

Kat goes home and interrupts Bree during the wives' weekly poker game, telling her she can't help cater Bob and Lee's commitment ceremony, because she's leaving town.  Bree immediately enlists the unwilling help of the wives to take up the slack.

Kat goes home to pack, figuring she and Dylan are going to have to go on the run once again.  Dylan doesn't want to go and insists on knowing what's going on.  Kat tells her the truth, which we don't hear, and  a distressed Dylan runs out of the house.

Gaby and Carlos get a call from Drug Dealer Ellie.  It seems she left behind a teddy bear that has 118 grand in it though she doesn't tell Gaby that.  However Gaby finds the money all on her own and tells Ellie she didn't find the bear at all.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "The Gun Song" (5/18/08)

Welcome to the first half of the "Desperate Housewives" two hour season finale.  We were promised pathos and we got it.  We were promised gay marriage and we got it.  We were promised a baby named Maynard and we got that too.

Mary Alice begins this episode by telling us about names:

Lynette in French means "pretty one;" Katherine is from Greek meaning "purity;" Gabrielle is Hebrew for "God is my strength;" and Bree is an Irish name that means "power."

With all due respect to Mary Alice I'd like to propose that Lynette in French really means, "obnoxious shrew of a wife who cuts off her husband's balls every chance she gets;"  Katherine in Greek really means, "secretive woman on the run from Psycho Daddy;" Gabrielle is Hebrew for, "short, shallow, gold digger; and Bree is Irish for, "iron fisted, domestic diva with a killer muffin recipe."

Names are relevant this week because Mike and Susan are trying to find one for Baby Boy Delfino.  They run through several before settling on...Connor.   So is Marc Cherry a secret fan of "Angel" or something? If they flash forward, does that mean Connor's going to be 35 next time we see him.  (Only "Angel" fans will get that one, for the rest of you, forgive me.)

Anyway, no sooner do they choose Connor, then Mike's grandfather dies and Mike wants to name the baby after him.  His name?  Maynard.

Susan is just about as thrilled about that as you'd expect, so in classic Susan fashion, she spends the episode trying to change the name back to Connor on the birth certificate. When Mike finds out she hates the name, he explains to her all the wonderful things his Grandfather Maynard did like ending racism in the United States, finding a cure for AIDS and keeping his family on the straight and narrow.  After Mike's heartfelt speech, Susan agrees to the name Maynard.

Mike, you know I love you, but even after all the great things Maynard did for the world, no way would that kid be named Maynard.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Mother Said" (5/11/08)

In honor of Mother's Day, this episode highlights the stories of the mothers of Wisteria Lane.

Mike's mother, Adele comes to visit and gives Susan all kinds of hell.  She's a southern lady who refers to the Civil War as the War of Northern Aggression and that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Adele.

That and the fact that her mission in Fairview is to turn Susan into a suitable wife for her son.  That means being a "chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom."  And from what Mike's told Mama, Susan's only mastered one of those.  Heh.

Queen Bree and Edie declare all out war over Orson, of all people.  Bree sabotages a house sale for Edie while Edie blackmails Bree when she finds out the secret parentage of Little Ben.  Bree then confesses all to the other wives, and in a show of solidarity, they have a showdown at the Wisteria Lane OK Corral and freeze Edie out of their lives forever.  A chastened Edie leaves town to go visit her own son.

Meanwhile at the Scavo house, or as it's becoming known, the house of Evil and Gullible Children, Tom and Lynette have hired a shrink to fix the family.  Or rather, Tom thinks it's to fix the family, Lynette thinks it's to fix Kayla.  'Cause there couldn't be anything else wrong with Lynette's family, could there?

Kayla, however is not having it, so whenever Doc Dolan is around, she plays the loving, dutiful daughter who can't understand why Mommy hates her so.  Doc Dolan suggests Lynette and Kayla spend some alone time together on a shopping trip, but that doesn't work too well, since Kayla is not above blackmailing Lynette to get that pretty new outfit she wants.

When she crosses the line by speculating about all the dangerous things she could convince Penny to try, a la P & P jumping off the roof, Lynette smacks her a good one.  The first chance she gets, Kayla rats out Lynette to Doc Dolan, explaining how it's not the first time Lynette has hit her.  The spawn of the devil, that one.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Opening Doors" (5/4/08)

This week's lesson on Wisteria Lane is that if you open your doors to strangers, you might have major problems on your hands.

Last week the Scavos learned the twins, Porter and Preston torched the restaurant of Tom's rival for Lynette's affections. 

Their punishment?  Washing dishes.

Tom thinks that's about as stupid as I do, but Lynette thinks it's perfectly appropriate and will teach them right from wrong.  She wants to handle it "in house."  What are they, a conglomerate?  Tom correctly thinks they need a shrink.

Well it turns out P & P didn't come up with their brilliant idea on their own.  Not that they're not big time JDs in the making.  The Fairview Juvenile Hall has a nice big padded cell picked out just for them, but this time Big Sis Kayla was the brains behind the torching incident.

When Lynette finds out, she furiously tells Tom something needs to be done.  Tom thinks Kayla should do dishes, Lynette think she needs a shrink.  Heh.

Have I mentioned how I can't stand Lynette?  Not because she thinks Kayla needs a shrink 'cause God knows the child is evil with a capital "E," but because anything that relates to Lynette a la P & P is always good and innocent and anything relating to anyone else is automatically bad, bad, bad.

When Lynette tries to take Kayla to a shrink against Tom's wishes, Kayla blackmails her way out of it by threatening to turn P & P in to the cops.  Meanwhile, P & P's punishment for babbling?  Kayla tricks them into trying to jumping off the roof with an umbrella, a la Mary Poppins.  One of them does it and breaks his arm.

On the Bree and Orson front, Orson's drowning his sorrows and complaining about his miserable life at Fairview Towers.  Queen Bree tells him the only way he can come home is if he confesses all to the police and does his time.  He refuses.  Next thing you know, Edie's invited him to stay with her which makes Bree just about as thrilled as you'd expect.

Over martinis Edie makes a play for Orson and though they don't go past kissing, Bree sees them and assumes the worst.

Carlos and Gaby are so strapped for cash, they're renting out a room to a stranger.  Their tenant is Ellie, a supposed art school student.  Ellie is played by Justine Bateman who used to play Mallory Keaton on "Famiy Ties."  I haven't seen Justine in a long time, but she looks like she's done some hard living since those days.

Eventually we discover she's a drug dealer and I suppose that could account for Justine's haggard druggie face, bad druggie makeup, sunken druggie eyes and excessive druggie aging:  she's method acting.  But I don't think so.
 
Susan and Mike are happily awaiting Baby Delfino, but when Susan goes to a Lamaze class without Mike and runs into her ex, Carl, she's insecure about his cute, young, pregnant wife.  Carl is more obnoxious than usual, rubbing his new life in Susan's face.  Then Susan loses it when Mike admits to Carl on another night that he's just out of Camp Rehab.

Dylan's still meeting Psycho Daddy, of the mirrored sunglasses.  He's calling her "Princess" and playing the poor kid like a fiddle.  Dylan covers by telling Kat she's got a new boyfriend, but is not ready to introduce him yet.

One night Kat follows her and discovers the truth about Psycho Daddy.  That same night Psycho Daddy manipulates Dylan into coming clean with Kat.

Kat is kneading dough in the kitchen when Dylan does just that.  Still kneading the dough Kat says, "I knew this day was coming and I prepared myself" 

Dylan goes out to the car to get Psycho Daddy and he's checking himself out in the side view mirror of the car.  What is with him and mirrors?

With a deliciously fake smile, Kat asks Dylan to go up to her  room so she and Psycho Daddy can talk.  We get intermittent closeups of the dough during their conversation which is awesome.

Psycho Daddy tells Kat the same, "I'm different, I've changed" story he's been feeding to "Princess," except Kat ain't hungry.

In a wonderfully chilling speech, Kat give Psycho Daddy the crystal clear message, she ain't afraid of him no more.  On the contrary, he should probably be very afraid of her.  Especially since, the entire time she's talking to him, there's a gun right at her fingertips.

Awesome Dana Delany, awesome scene.

Photo copyright and courtesy ABC

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Hello Little Girl" (4/27/08)

We open on all the ways Tom Scavo has of lying to his wife.  It's pertinent this week because trust is in short supply at the Scavo household.  Lynette thinks Tom set the fire that burned down Rick's and Tom thinks Lynette and Rick slept together, in spite of Lynette's denials. 

Eventually there's a confrontation between Tom and Rick at the Scavos' restaurant and they go at it right in front of the pizza dough.  They end up in jail and Lynette does her own lying to give Tom a rock solid alibi.

Turns out Lynette should have trusted him because later, in a moment of rare honesty, the obnoxious Scavo twins admit to Lynette that because they were afraid Rick was going to break up the happy Scavo marriage, they set Rick's ablaze. 

You just had to know that those Scavo kids were going to come to no good.

On the lighter side, a jealous Gabby feels threatened by Carlos' beloved new guide dog Roxie, once she finds out the dog doesn't do things like mani-pedis and facials.  So Gabby takes Roxie back to the guide dog trainer while telling Carlos she ran away.  When Edie gets a glimpse of Gabby's continued crappy treatment of Carlos, she sets her straight about how if Gabby doesn't watch it, another woman may be more than happy to tend to Carlos' needs.  That forces Gabby to make peace with sweet, little Roxie.

Meanwhile, Bree, Orson and Little Ben are moving out of Susan's just in time for the return of Mike from Camp Rehab.  Because her hormones are all whacked out, Susan gets more than a little emotional about that, but Queen Bree advises her to do what she does:  shove any and all emotion into a tiny corner of her stomach and then go give the house a good dusting.

Kat asks Queen Bree to cater another event with her, since their Founder's Day Ball last week was such a hit.  Bree agrees only after Kat makes it clear that no matter what, she'll do it anyway and steal all Bree's ideas.

Dylan gets pulled over by a state trooper wearing scary mirrored sunglasses.  Whenever you see a character wearing those mirrored sunglasses you know they're up to no good.  Anyway, Scary Trooper, Gary Cole pulls Dylan over because of some silly excuse and we discover he's the one who circled her picture in the paper last week.

He approaches her later and tells her he's her father.  He admits he was an abusive husband, but that he's now reformed. 

Dylan, sweetie, not wearing those sunglasses, he's not.

After a chit chat over coffee, he manipulates Dylan into continuing to meet with him without telling Kat.  Oh, this can't end well.

Mike comes home from Camp Rehab just in time to find out from Julie that Orson was the one who tried to turn him into a human manhole cover.  Mike confronts Orson and Orson cracks like an egg.  That Camp Rehab stint did Mike a whole lot of good, 'cause without it I think he would have pummeled Orson into the ground like I would have.  Instead he decides to forgive and forget. 

When Mike confides what happened to Susan, she's not so forgiving.  She goes tearing over to the Van De Camp house and rips into Orson right in front of a shocked Bree.

The next day, Susan goes to Bree while she's gardening and says she'll try to learn to forgive Orson but it's not going to happen overnight.  So, if she's not chummy, chummy with the two of them for awhile, Bree will just have to understand.  While Susan is making this little speech, Orson walks out of the house with a packed bag.  Bree kicked him out.

Our final shot is of Orson, all alone in a crappy motel room---probably the same one Adam's staying at---sobbing like a baby.

Photo Courtesy and Copyright ABC

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "In Buddy's Eyes" (4/20/08)

This week"s "Desperate Housewives"  focused on Orson and guilt, guilt and Orson, and nudity, guilt and Orson.

Mike brings Orson to Camp Rehab to apologize for twisting his arm to write prescriptions for his pills.  He knows he could have gotten Orson's license pulled and he's sincerely sorry.  Orson is sincerely relieved  because he thought Mike dragged him there to say, "You're the scum bucket who ran me down like and dog in the street and left me to die.  Prepare to be incarcerated!"

But he didn't say that.

Though relieved, Orson's guilt is causing him to sleep walk naked all over Susan's house, mumbling about Mike and how he's sorry. Susan's the first to discover Orson au naturale on one of her barstools and the next morning she's cleaning off "butt prints" with industrial strength cleaner while she tries to make Bree and Orson believe that she didn't have a sex dream about Orson, but a real naked close encounter.

The annual muckety muck black tie event, The Founder's Ball is on tap and Queen Bree has always been the "She Who Must Be Obeyed" for that event.  That is until Kat Mayfair decides that this year, she should muscle in and "help."  Now that they're BFF, Bree reluctantly agrees. That is until Kat changes the flowers, insists on final food approval and worst of all, steals Bree's position as presenter of the big Founder's Ball Award.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Sunday" (4/13/08)

After having survived all kinds of brushes with death, Lynette decides it's time to get some of that ol' time religion.

She's ready to give up her heathen status and get herself and her family to church.  Tom is reluctantly convinced when one of the twins, I don't know which, says that "Jesus is the guy who helps Santa Claus."  Heh.

And who better to get advice from than the "most religious person I know," but Queen Bree Van De Camp.

Bree's first advice?  "Don't go Catholic.  I go to church for worship, not a workout."

Bree's thrilled with her new disciples, thinking that bringing in new members to her Presbyterian fold will get her in good with the minister and clinch that Ladies Auxiliary committee she wants to chair.  She's mortified however when right in the middle of the sermon Lynette starts acting like the minister's holding a press conference.

Oh, Minister, Minister, if there's a God, why is there evil?  If there's a God, why is there poverty?  If there's a God, why are there hangnails?  You get the picture.

The minister, Headmaster Charleston from Chilton, diplomatically suggests that instead of interrupting his sermon, Lynette get her heathen butt to bible study on Tuesday nights.

At Kat Mayfair's house of deep, dark secrets, Kat's nursing her lonely wounds when the wives come bearing comfort muffins and jam.  Kat sarcastically shoots down the wives' assertion that they're there to comfort her.  She knows a fishing expedition when she sees one.

Mary Alice tells us a little more about why Kat is so surly all the time.  Her first husband used to hit her and one day when she'd finally had enough, she took a crack at his noggin with a candlestick.  After the wives leave, their muffins uneaten, Kat takes a trip out to an unmarked grave and sits on a rock and cries.  Hm.

Susan's still playing host to Bree, Orson and Little Ben, and with tax season fast approaching, her hot, young studly cousin Tim is there to clean up the Delfino household...tax-wise that is.  Tim's also got an eye for the ladies, the younger the better and when Susan thinks he's taking an interest in soon-to-be eighteen Dylan, Susan does everything in her power to keep them apart.

Megan's TV Recap Update

If you're a loyal Megan's Minute reader, you know that I've written full length recaps of "Desperate Housewives" since the beginning of the 2007-2008 TV season.  During the writers' strike, I began recapping "Lost" and picked up my recapping of "American Idol" from last year.

I now find myself over extended.  I continue to write weekly posts for Blogher.com (which I love), and daily posts for Video Runway (which I also love), and am trying to keep the quality and frequency of posts at Megan's Minute as high as always.

Well, I'm only half succeeding.  My priorities have to be Blogher and Video Runway since they're helping keep Daisy in dog food, and me in fancy handbags, but I'm determined to keep Megan's Minute the blog that I started and get such joy and pleasure from writing.  So something's gotta give.

What I'm going to do, starting with the 4/13 episode of "Desperate Housewives" is write shorter recaps, or what I call "Snap Recaps" of "DH" for the rest of the season.  I will continue to write full length "Lost" recaps---I realize I'm still two episodes behind on those, but I'm working on it---and when the season is over, I'll reassess where I'm at in time for next season.

I will however, no matter what, continue to write full length recaps of "Damages" whenever it returns.  (The latest estimate is January of 2009.)

So please bear with me as I try and get this time management thing down, and I hope you continue to come back often and enjoy Megan's Minute as much as I enjoy writing it.

The Return of "Desperate Housewives"

Batten down the hatches, suburbanites. The ladies of Wisteria Lane are returning. That’s right, the first post strike episode of “Desperate Housewives” will grace your TV set with a fresh baked batch of cookies and a smile this coming Sunday.

If you want something more in depth you can read my full length recaps.  If not, here's a quick refresher of what was happening last time we were on Wisteria Lane.

Okay so the big Tornado was about to hit Wisteria Lane and everyone was getting ready. That is, when they weren’t lying, cheating, or trying to manipulate somebody.

Kat was trying to hide The Big Secret from daughter Dylan and the neighbors. Crazy Adam’s stalker showed up, locked herself in Bree’s bathroom and ended up getting sucked up by the Tornado. The result?  Kat discovers Adam really did have an affair with the crazy stalker and now totally hates his guts.

Right in the middle of the Tornado, Edie and Gabby fight over the papers that have Carlos’s multi-million dollar off shore account information. The result? The papers also get sucked up by the Tornado and that means no millions for Carlos.

Lynette persuades a reluctant McCluskey to let the Scavo family ride out the storm in her basement with homophobic Ida. Tom has a severe allergic reaction to Ida’s cat in the basement and Lynette and McCluskey end up out in the middle of the storm trying to find him. The result? They end up riding the storm out in the Scavo bathtub. When the storm is over, they come out to discover McCluskey’s house destroyed and Lynette’s whole family buried under it. Ida ends up biting the dust but all the little Scavos, including Tom, make it out fine.

Carlos fights with a homicidal Victor in the middle of the storm and gets knocked out. The result? When the storm is over, Gabby gets him to the hospital and he seems fine until we find out he’s blind. That’s still better than Victor, ’cause he’s dead: impaled by a white picket.

Have I left anyone out? Oh yeah, a very pregnant Susan and Mike ride out the storm in a hospital waiting room after she falls down the stairs during a fight with Mike about his pill popping habit. She insists he get help or she’ll leave him. The result? After the storm, Bree and family move in with Susan and Julie and it’s like a Martha Stewart paradise.

The best scene in the whole two hours?  Bree and Orson trying to pimp out Andrew to the gay contractor they need to do their post Tornado repairs.

Good times, baby.  Good times.

Cross Posted From Video Runway.

"Desperate Housewives" Recap: Welcome to Kanagawa (1/6/08)

Well contrary to popular reports, namely my own, "Something's Coming" was not to be the last new "Desperate Housewives" episode to air during this strike tainted season.

This episode, "Welcome to Kanagawa" is.  Rumor has it, it was partially finished when the writers walked out, and was completed during the strike.

By the way, Kanagawa is a prefecture that's part of the Greater Tokyo Area of Japan.  It was demolished twice in the twentieth century.  Once by an earthquake in 1923 and then again during WWII.  Hence the title reference and Marc Cherry's attempt at showing off.

Anyway, when we last left Wisteria Lane, it had been devastated by The Tornado:  Lynette's family was trapped under the mound of oversized toothpicks that used to be McCluskey's house, Victor was impaled by a fence picket, and Carlos was knocked out by flying debris.

We open the episode on the aftermath and as Mary Alice calls it, the kindness of neighbor helping neighbor.  A man gives his coat to a stranger, a woman hands out sandwiches, a teenager finds a lost dog.  But always the portent of doom and gloom, Mary Alice tells us none of that will be enough to prevent disaster.

Work crews are digging through the rubble of McCluskey's house as Lynette and the other wives watch.  Gabby's the only one missing.  She's at the hospital with Carlos.

Susan has her arms around a stunned Lynette.  She tries to comfort her, saying everything will be fine.  Then she insists Lynette get her cuts treated while they wait for news.  Lynette is momentarily reassured and goes to the paramedics.  As soon as she leaves, Edie the berates Susan for giving Lynette false hope.  Edie says she should have told Lynette to "face the facts."  Her whole family could come out of the rubble in body bags any minute. 

Queen Bree suggests Edie can it.  McCluskey suggests they pray.  After all, she says, when you get to her age you take comfort in the Lord.  And then she can't resist the dig that Edie will figure that out in a couple of years.  Heh.

No sooner does Bree suggest a moment of silence when the emergency crews start yelling they've found someone.  Everyone waits expectantly as first to come out is Penny. She's alive and got all her arms and legs.  Next comes a living, breathing Parker, then the obnoxious twins, then Tom's long lost daughter Kayla.  I chuckle when she runs to Lynette and calls her "Mom" considering how bad their relationship used to be.

There's a long pause and we all wait to see if Tom's coming out.  A moment passes and then a dusty but healthy Tom is pulled out.  Lynette's happy.  I'm happy.  There are big hugs all around.

Except...McCluskey's says, "Tom?  Where's Ida?"  Tom looks up at McCluskey and slowly shakes his head.  McCluskey tears up and Edie grasps her hand.

Mary Alice:  "In the wake of a great tragedy, people do what they can to help.  All the while knowing, it won't be enough."

Opening credits.

"Desperate Housewives" Recap: Something's Coming (12/2/07)

Here it is.  The big Tornado Episode.  Who will live?  Who will die?  Who will save their muffins from the oven before The Tornado hits?

"It was supposed to be a beautiful day."  Mary Alice says.  "But at 2:26 that afternoon, a Tornado came to Wisteria Lane.  Bringing with it unbelievable destruction.  No one could have anticipated it.  Especially given how the day started."

The day started with Gabby telling the wives she and Carlos are back together and have to leave town to keep the Chicken Lipped Albino from killing them.

The wives are at first surprised Gabby's marriage to Victor is over, then sad that Gabby's leaving.

Queen Bree however has her priorities straight, hilariously pointing out the very expensive wedding gifts Gabby received from some of them.  I'm with you on that one Bree.

In the midst of this touching scene McCluskey drives by and tells them a tornado hit Mount Pleasant and they better get their asses in gear 'cause one might hit Wisteria Lane.  Gabby says her final goodbyes and insists they'll all see each other again.

"In four short hours. One of these women would lose a husband and all of them would lose a friend.  But how could they have known this?  It was supposed to be a beautiful day."

Opening credits.

There's a tornado watch on Wisteria Lane and while everyone is stocking up bottled water and outfitting closets for the duration, Gabby's packing and worried about Victor leaving the hospital the next day.  Carlos is going to the bank to get his passport and he instructs Gabby to wait for the accountant with the very important papers for the $10 million Cayman Island account. 

He notices she's packing a whole lot of stuff when supposedly she was only bringing essentials.  For Gabby that includes a feather boa.  When Carlos points this out, Gabby says if he's taking her somewhere she can't wear a boa, she doesn't want to go.  Heh.

When Carlos mentions he wants to say something to Edie, Gabby's like, the only thing you can say to her is "rot in hell you maggoty whore.  Thanks to her I'm giving up my friends, my home and half my wardrobe."

"Desperate Housewives" Recap: Distant Past (11/25/07)

We open on a closeup of water.

Mary Alice tells us,"We think of the past as water under the bridge. A current that carries away the mistakes of our youth.  The loves we lost."  A red rose floats by.

"The addictions we gave in to." A liquor bottle floats by.

"The opportunities we threw away." A blue ribbon floats by.  Heh.  My favorite "DH" opening of the season, hands down.

The the water dissolves into the holy water in a church font.  At the church, Gabby and Carlos are having a clandestine meeting.  He wants to go to the cops.  She says no, stick to the plan.  Haven't we gone through all this before? 

Mary Alice thinks so too because she quickly gets us out of that scene.  The shot zooms in to the water in a water bucket of a cleaning lady in the church.  We then dissolve to water lapping up on the shore.

"The mistakes of our past have a way of drifting back into our lives."  That's a closeup of the Chicken Lipped Albino lying on sand with water lapping at his feet. 

"And when they do, we have to pay for them."

Opening credits.

Mary Alice tells us the history of Mike's pill popping.  Once upon a time, Mike was fixing a hot water heater and hurt his shoulder.  He took a little white pill recommended by his doctor.  The pain kept up so he took another, and another...and another. When the pain of his shoulder subsided, his need for the white pills did not.  He shared this not with his wife, but his drug dealer.  His preppie, college kid drug dealer.  And Mike's out of cash.

"Desperate Housewives" Recap: You Can't Judge A Book By Its Cover (11/11/07)

"D" is for "Desperate Housewives" and tonight "D" is also for "deception."

Mary Alice tells us, "Victor Lang was not above using deception to get what he wanted."  From donors, constituents or the press.

Yo Mary Alice.  He is a politician after all.

But now because of Edie's pictures, Victor knows Gabby is good at deception too.

Gabby comes home and immediately gets a call from Carlos.  He wants to know if they're really through.  Gabby's like, considering you hid that $10 million from me, yeah, I'll stay with the deceptive politician, thank you very much.  My favorite line?  Carlos calls Victor a "chicken-lipped albino."  Heh.

Gabby ditches Carlos's call because Victor comes into the room.  She says she was talking to Bree but as soon as Gabby leaves the room he checks and knows she was talking to Carlos.

He asks Gabby to go with him out on his boat for a delayed honeymoon.  Just the two of them.  Uh oh.

Gabby, being the greedy little thing she is loves the idea.

But it's a mistake because as Mary Alice tells us, "What Victor Lang now wanted, was revenge."

Opening credits.

Back at Wisteria Lane, deception is rampant.  Bree is visiting the Scavos, showing off her grandson...er, I mean her son, Benjamin Tyson Hodge to all the assembled wives.  The kid's putting his new little lungs to good use as all the wives wince and say how adorable he is.

Lynette tells everyone she's cancer-free and right in the middle of this happy scene, Mama Stella comes downstairs with Stan, a one night stand who's sporting Tom's robe.  Everyone's understandably skieved out.

"Desperate" Recaps Are Coming, I Promise

Okay, play time is over.  There are no more Thanksgiving excuses left for me to post.

Back to work.

As of last night's "Desperate Housewives," I'm two weeks behind on my recaps, and I hereby solemnly swear to have both those recaps posted by this coming Friday.  Possibly sooner.