"Desperate Housewives" Ending? It's Time

I'm sure y'all have heard by now that after eight seasons, "Desperate Housewives" will come to an end in May 2012.

As a fan of the show from the beginning, I freely admit, it's about time.  Let's face it, the show has pretty much been coasting for the last couple of years.

Except for a few random laughs courtesy of Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher, and some warm and fuzzy moments courtesy of Marcia Cross and Doug Savant, the show was just barely entertaining and I would watch primarily out of habit.

Creator Marc Cherry had it right when it was announced the show was coming to an end:

One of the things you see in television is shows that overstay their welcome. People just forget about them and they're unceremoniously booted off. I wanted to go off while we were still doing well.



Let's hope he uses the final season to let the cast shine, and to tell some compelling and of course, funny final tales from Wisteria Lane.

Vanessa Williams Joins "Desperate Housewives!" Woo Hoo!

ABC has announced that "Ugly Betty" alum, the fabulous Vanessa Williams will be joining the ladies on Wisteria Lane this fall.  That's right, "Desperate Housewives" is gonna get a little color and a whole lotta attitude if Williams brings even a little of "Ugly Betty's" Wilhelmina Slater with her.

From the ABC press release:

Fresh off her stint on Broadway’s “Sondheim on Sondheim” and the critically-acclaimed series “Ugly Betty,” Williams will play a housewife who’s sure to shake things up in the neighborhood and wreak havoc in the lives of the women of Wisteria Lane.

Marc Cherry, my man, this is a brilliant casting move.  Not only does ABC get to hold on to one of its major talents, but "Desperate Housewives" will get a sexy diva to rival all sexy divas.  Not to mention, Williams can act.

This makes me a little less upset about the loss of "Ugly Betty."

Bravo!

TV 2009: Major Moments, Major Madness

It's that time of year again.  Time to reflect on favorite TV moments and madness of 2009.  I personally had a lot of favorite shows this year: "Lost," "24," "House," "Dexter," "True Blood," "Battlestar Galactica," "Mad Men" to name just a few.

"Flash Forward" had a cool concept and a few good episodes, but it needs to retool itself before coming back in March.  The same thing goes for "V," though at least "V" is a pretty basic good guy/bad alien show that's hard to mess up.  

We were up to our scrubs in TV nurses which caused me to ask the question, "What if Nurse "Hawthorne" Were White and "Nurse Jackie" Were Black?"

Here are some more of my 2009 boob tube thoughts:

Biggest Surprises:  Glee, The Good Wife and Drop Dead Diva.  All quality shows with charismatic stars--Matthew Morrison, Julianna Margulies, Brooke Elliott--and in the case of "Glee" some kick ass musical numbers.

Biggest Disappointment:  Dollhouse.  Joss, I love ya' but here's hoping your next one's more well thought out.

Sweetest New Character:  Arizona Robbins (Jessica Capshaw) on "Grey's Anatomy."  She's the freshest thing about "Grey's" since McSteamy showed up and I love her to death.  The episode "Invest in Love" when she loses her young patient and does the sweet dreams speech with his mother at the end had me sobbing like a baby.

"Desperate Housewives" Finale: Crazy Dave Runs Amok (Major Spoilers)

Crazy Dave (Neil McDonough) finally got his chance to avenge the death of his wife and daughter in last week's "Desperate Housewives" finale.

But before that happened all kinds of other developments were cooking in the stylish ovens of Wisteria Lane.

Carlos and Gabby took in his teen relative Anna, who turned out to be a master manipulator when it comes to the "xy" chromosome crowd. 

When Gabby confronts the chippy about her wayward ways and the negative impact they're having on her own daughters, the chippy trembles her upper lip at Carlos and Gabby's thwarted.

Tom makes the grade after passing his college entrance exam but that joy is short lived.

Lynette, afraid her cancer is back, goes to the doctor.  Turns out there's no cancer but she is pregnant with twins.   Makes her think cancer might have been the lesser evil.

Karl has Orson roughed up to get him to leave Bree and her money.   Because of Bree the tactic doesn't work. Karl isn't pleased but that doesn't stop him from making the moves on Bree.  He challenges her to loosen up before planting a big wet one on her.  That "shady lawyer vibe" is obviously a turn on 'cause Bree comes back for more. 

And even I have to say Karl is looking mighty hot these days.

McCluskey and sister Roberta break into poor, dead Edie's house to get clues.  They're caught by the cops and hear the news first hand that Dave's cover is blown.  But it's too late, he's already driving Susan and little MJ to the country where he's gonna bump them off.

A little sidebar, there are rumors of a "Desperate Housewives" spinoff starring Kathryn Joosten and Lily Tomlin.  What a great idea!  Joosten should have had a show ages ago and if she weren't nearly 70 probably would have.  She and Tomlin have been a hoot and a half as Karen and Roberta and I'd love to see them with their own series.  Stay tuned.

But back to Crazy Dave.  So, Mike and Kat are at the airport, ready to elope to Vegas.  Then Mike watches a taped confession Dave left behind and which inadvertently got into Mike's luggage.  Mike understandably freaks, stranding a clueless Kat at the airport while he rushes off to save Susan and MJ.

Mike warns Susan with a cellphone call and though she tries to stall so Mike can catch up, it doesn't work.  Crazy Dave ties up Susan at the same intersection where his wife and daughter were killed.  He plans for Mike's car to ram his while MJ's strapped in the back and Susan watches.

Diabolical and crazy.

At the last minute, Susan's pleas to Dave to consider what his daughter would think of what he was doing cause him to let MJ out of the car before Mike slams into him.

Mike gets banged up but is well enough to hop out and embrace MJ and Susan and then plant a big wet one on her.

Dave is still alive but ends up in a loony bin where he belongs.  What do you want to bet we haven't seen the last of him?

The last scene takes place two weeks months later and is a church wedding.  The pews are filled with Wisteria Lane residents and Mike is at the alter with a bride in a veiled white dress.  As the minister pronounces them man and wife, Mike kisses the bride and we go to black.

Who's the bride!? 

Is it Susan?  Is it Kat?  Is it someone he met within those two months?

My guess?  It's, drumroll please........Susan!  

Why, you ask?  Because he only decided to marry Kat after Susan said she was marrying the Canadian who needed to stay in the country.

Mark my words, Susan and Mike, together again.

Photo copyright and courtesy ABC

 

Megan's 25 Random Things

Remember a few weeks ago when I said how much I hated memes? And especially that dumb Facebook "25 Random Things" meme? Well I lied.

I love memes.  In fact they're my secret obsession.  But that's not all.  Many of the things you think you know about Megan are not quite true.  In fact you may be shocked by the following list.

So, drumroll please...without further ado are Megan's 25 Random Things about herself:

1. My name ain't Megan.  If you've read my "About" page you already know that, but I don't use a pseudonym to protect my privacy.  It's because a blog called Octavia's Minute would sound kinda strange.
2. I'm not black.  I just said that to be different.
3. I hate blogging.  It's just that my real profession in the sex trade doesn't maintain my very lavish lifestyle, so I have to supplement.
4. The same goes for writing for BlogHer.  You think I like it, don't you?  Not even.  And those women over there, what a bunch of catty bitches!
5. The "Damages" finale is tonight and you'd expect that I'd be watching, wouldn't you?  Well no.  I don't watch "Damages."  Those recaps some of y'all are so fond of?  My 10 year old niece Nancy writes 'em. 
6. The same goes for those "Desperate Housewives" snap recaps.  And I gotta crack the whip because she's way behind on all of them, the little slacker.
7. I voted for John McCain.
8. Those surrogate kids of mine?  Don't exist. The only kid in my life is stupid little Nancy and if she doesn't catch up on those recaps, that's gonna change in a big way.
9. You think Megan's favorite TV shows are "Lost," "American Idol," "House," "24" and shows like that, don't you?  Well no.  My favorite show?  "The Osbournes Reloaded."
10. I hate teenagers.
11. I hated teenagers even when I was one.
12. I'm reaching a milestone birthday this year and haven't decided how many people I'm telling the number to.
13. I'm having a birthday party.
14. My favorite song these days, Madonna's "Jump."  I am so ready to jump!  And look out when I do.
15. If my in time at my day job is 9 AM, as long as I get to Penn Station by 9 AM, I consider myself on time.
16. My dog Daisy?  She wasn't a cocker spaniel.  She was a chihuahua.
17. I almost always believe I'm the smartest person in any room.
18. I don't really believe Oprah's a goddess.  I just said that so I'd have a good SEO phrase.
19. I want to have Bill O'Reilly's baby.
20. I use a Twitter ghost writer.
21. My Twitter ghost writer?  You guessed it, Nancy.
22. One of my neighbors is a black belt in judo.
23. One of my other neighbors is a screenwriter.
24. Simon Cowell and I once chatted on the phone.
25. Facebook bought my idea about paying users to write memes.

Tomorrow's meme?  25 reasons you can't believe everything you read on April Fool's Day.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Mama Spent Money When She Had None" (2/8/09)

This episode is all about money.  Or the lack thereof.  As Mary Alice says, "People don't talk about money in the suburbs, because when they do, other people get angry." 

I like that quote...a lot.

No sooner does Lynette sell off Tom's fire engine red classic sports car for extra cash than Bree drives up in a brand new Lexus.  Understandable jealousy ensues.

After Lynette goes home, Katherine lets it slip to the other wives that the Scavos are having major financial trouble. 

Susan gets little MJ into some fancy schmancy private school only to discover the tuition fees are astronomical.  Meanwhile Carlos and Gabby are living well after Carlos is promised a big bonus.  Gabby is thrilled and the two make plans to go out to a fancy schmancy restaurant.

Bob tells Lee that Crazy Dave was the one who fingered Porter in the arson of the nightclub.  Lee wants to tell Tom and Lynette, but Bob is like, no way. 

Susan wants Mike to make extra money for MJ's tuition and when she finds out Mike bought Kat a string of pearls, she goes ballistic and breaks into Kat's house to steal them.  Since she's Susan, the caper doesn't go very well and Kat catches her.  Turns out Mike bought fakes and has to tell Kat when she and Susan confront him.  Poor Mike. 

Kat forgives him but Mike doesn't forgive Susan for thinking he would spend money on pearls instead of the kid.  He tells her if "we're falling short, it's not because of me."  You go, Mike.

Bree gives Lynette a check for twenty thousand dollars since she's doing so well and the Scavos are doing so crappy.  Lynette only accepts after Bree agrees to takes fifteen percent of the restaurant.

It's a big mistake though because Lynette's thank you party at Scavos turns into a Bree book signing.  Bree then has a hissy fit when she finds out Lynette plans to make her recipes with "sub-standard" ingredients.  There's a big blowup and Lynette ends up denting Bree's brand new car.  By the end of the episode, she pays Bree for the car damage, but the damage to the friendship is still there.

To fit into a fancy schmancy red dress for the fancy schmancy restaurant, Gabby signs up with Edie's exercise boot camp.  It's run by an ex-Israeli army commando and his camp makes Marine training look like adult Gymboree.  He doles out punishments quicker than you can say ruined manicure and Gabby is shocked and insulted by such harsh treatment.

She tries to quit, but the Israeli commando doesn't allow quitting.  Gabby tries to talk back, but the Israeli commando doesn't allow talking back.  Edie gets the heat for Gabby's misdeeds because she brought Gabby to the group in the first place.

When Gabby gets all snooty and ungrateful, Edie tells her the other women are trying to support her desire to get into that fancy red dress for the fancy schmancy restaurant and Gabby could show a bit more appreciation.

Sufficiently chastised, Gabby gets with the Israeli commando program and eventually fits into the red dress.

At Bree's book signing at Scavos, Lee tells Tom about Dave being the witness who nailed Porter. Tom responds by punching Dave out and telling him they're no longer friends.  Dave pretends to be all sorry and everything, but when Tom takes another swing at him, Crazy Dave comes out in full force and gets freakin' scary.

Susan, still trying to figure out how to pay for MJ's school asks the headmaster for a job since teachers get a 50% discount on tuition.  At first he says no, there aren't any positions open, but Susan convinces him after saying MJ needs extra attention and may slip through the cracks if she can't get him in the school.  She offers to serve lunches or sweep floors, but she's willing to do any job.

The headmaster takes pity on her and MJ and offers her and art teacher's assistant job.  She happily takes it.

Remember, it's all about money.  Or the lack thereof.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "The Best Thing That Ever Could Have Happened" (1/18/09)

This was the 100th episode of "Desperate Housewives" and Eli Scruggs (Beau Bridges), Wisteria Lane's handyman was the star.  Right before he's about to retire, Eli keels over on the job and dies from a heart attack.

What we discover throughout the rest of the episode is how much impact good ol' Eli had on the residents of Wisteria Lane through the years.  Especially the wives we've come to know so well.

Gabby:  Eli gave Gabby the good advice to try and get to know the ladies of the neighborhood.  He even suggested she host one of their weekly poker games.  Gabby does that but then uses the opportunity to insult Lynette, Susan, Bree and Mary Alice about their lives.  After Eli sets her straight, Gabby apologizes and is welcomed into the wives' inner circle.

Bree:  Turns out Bree began writing her good old fashioned cookbook all the way back when Rex was alive, but because of his patronizing attitude about it, she dumped the book in the garbage.  Good ol' Eli fished it out and after Rex dies gives it back to Bree with some valuable words of wisdom.  The rest is history.

Edie:  After not getting enough sex from her husband Umberto, Edie asks an embarrassed Eli what he thinks of her body.  When he tells her she'd be a favorite among his construction friends, she's reassured.  Later, when Edie divorces Umberto--a gay guy--Eli comforts her...in more ways than one. 

Lynette:  Before and after Penny is born, Lynette's in a tizzy because she's desperate to go back to work.  She lands a new job right after Penny is born and in her eagerness to stay on top of it, she leaves baby Penny in a hot car on the driveway.  Luckily Eli is right nearby and saves the baby.  Lynette sees the error of her workaholic ways and Penny lives to see another day.

Susan:  Right after Carl leaves her, Susan hires Eli to change the locks.  That's when she discovers Eli and several people in the neighborhood often saw Carl with his many women.  Later when she and Mike break up, Eli tells Susan how much he admires her for continuing to search for love.  He even calls her "heroic."

Mary Alice:  When Eli first comes to town, he gives his card to Mary Alice and lets her know he's available for all kinds of handyman work.  At first Mary Alice turns him down, but when she discovers how in need of work he is--he's got holes in his shoes--she comes up with a job for him fixing a broken vase.  Then right before Mary Alice kills herself, she sees Eli and gives him the vase he fixed for her.   He accepts the vase and leaves.

Afterward, Eli regrets not being able to see Mary Alice was in trouble.  So he made a vow to help people as much as he could.  And that's why, Edie, Lynette, Gabby, Susan and Bree got the benefit of his counsel and comfort.

A nice episode and well done.

Photo Courtesy & Copyright ABC

TV Quick Hits: "The Bachelor," "BSG," "Ugly Betty," "Lost," & "American Idol"

It's been one crazy week on TV what with "The Bachelor" dumping his "true love" for his other "true love," "24's" hostage taking at the White House of all places, and "American Idol's" Tatiana hysterics. 

Here's my take on some of the action this week and be warned...there are spoilers aplenty:

The Bachelor: 

Am I the only one in the country who thinks it's time to break-up with "The Bachelor?"  At the beginning of the season all I heard was women sighing all over the place, "Oh Jason, he's a single Dad!"  As if somehow that was going to make him better husband material than the other "princes" they've had on that show.

Well a few weeks and some dead roses later, Jason Mesnick ditched his fiancee, his "one true love" Melissa, for his other "really one true love," Molly.

That all happened on Monday and since then Jason's replaced Bernie Madoff as the most hated man in America.  The producers of "The Bachelor" have been accused of fixing the results, there were not so secret angry emails back and forth between Jason and Melissa, and the whole country was in an uproar.  So much so that Jason's had to start his own national apology tour.

People, can I just tell you, take a page out of former fan, Kelly Ripa's book and stop watching that blasted show.  There's never going to be another Trista and Ryan, there will be no happy endings, and "The Bachelor?"  He's just not that into you...or Melissa.

American Idol: 

Continuing on the reality TV front, y'all know I'm a fair weather "Idol" watcher meaning I almost never write about "American Idol" until the final 12 are chosen.  Well this week that milestone came to pass.  Thursday night, the judges made their wild card choices.  That meant adding the very worthy Jasmine, Matt and Megan.  

Jasmine was especially moving with her rendition of Christina Aguilera's "Reflection." That kid's got potential

Then came the big surprise, Simon announced that this year there was going to be a final 13!  And the 13th contestant was...Anoop, this year's answer to Sanjaya.  Now if I were as crude as say, Dr. Gregory House, I would say that "American Idol" had picked their own "Slumdog Millionaire." But I'm not, am I?

And like on "The Bachelor" the emotional train wreck was the entertaining part.  Namely, Tatiana del Toro. You know, the "thank you, thank you, I love you, I love you," girl. The judges finally puts her and us out of our collective miseries and dumped her. 

Next week, Megan's "Idol Chit Chat" returns.

Let the singing begin!

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Connect! Connect!" (1/11/09)

Poor Crazy Dave Williams is on his way to a motel when Mike suggests he stay at his house while he and Edie figure things out.  Dave sees this as a way of keeping an eye on the guy who's responsible for the death of his wife and daughter. 

Meanwhile Kat comes to Mike and wants his opinion about Dylan's request for Kat to move to Maryland.  Mike is insultingly noncommittal because he says he doesn't want to come between a mother and daughter.  By the end of the episode though he realizes he loves Kat and wants her to stay. 

He leaves her roses and a card that says "don't go."  Crazy Dave, seeing all this, appears to change is target from Susan to Kat now that Kat is Mike's new one and only.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Home is the Place" (1/4/09)

Bree's got future in-law trouble and her name is Melina, played deliciously by Joanna Cassidy.  Melina comes to Fairview to visit and during her stay at the Hodge household puts dibs on Christmas and Thanksgiving with the boys and then works on having the boys move closer to her own cocktail waitress, beer-guzzling self.

Bree, understanding that drastic measures need to be taken, buys the Adams house, right on Wisteria Lane for the boys as a wedding present.  She announces this over a formal dinner party and before she's actually bought the house.

Meanwhile, the Scavos try to keep Porter's "on the lam" status on the down low, but Penny bursts that bubble when she calls out Preston right in front of lawyer Bob.  As a result Tom and Lynette have to tell Bob the truth and he's understandably pissed.  He gives them two days to get their wayward son back or he'll have to tell the judge himself that Porter's done a runner.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "A Vision's Just A Vision" (12/7/08)

Lynette tries to patch up her fractured family by making the perfect family breakfast and requiring mandatory attendance.  The problem?  Porter's arrested right as the Scavos are passing around the orange juice. Bob of Bob and Lee is hired to represent him but may come to regret it for a variety of reasons. 

First, the night of the fire, Porter broke into Edie's house so he could steal her gun and use it to threaten Schiller.  Second, the nest egg money Tom thinks they can use to bail Porter out doesn't exist 'cause it was the payoff money Lynette gave Anne. Third, to bail Porter out Lynette puts up the restaurant.  Fourth, when they get to court for Porter's hearing Lynette and Tom figure out that Porter's done a runner and left identical twin Preston pretending to be Porter, to face the judge in court.  So far Bob only knows reasons one, two and three.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Me and My Town" (11/30/08)

This week's episode deals with the repercussions of the nightclub fire.  The Fairview police are hot on the trail of who dun it, and though they can't identify the dead body yet, they do know the fire was arson.

Porter Scavo comes under the hot lights so to speak, since the police uncover his threat against Mr. Shilling, aka Anne's abusive husband.

When questioned, Lynette lies to the police about hearing Porter say he would kill Mr. Schilling.  "Hero" Dave, aka The Arsonist, goes around actually looking like he might feel guilty that seven people died in the club...that is until he gets over it long enough to throw Porter under the bus to the cops.  However Porter swears he didn't set the fire and Lynette is prepared to go to jail herself before letting her baby be slapped in irons. After paying off Anne to leave town and getting her to admit she's not really pregnant, Lynette baldly lies to Porter about it, right after giving him this long speech about how honesty is the best policy.

That's just so Lynette.  Have I mentioned lately I can't stand her?  I think it's been a couple of weeks.  So here it is:  I can't stand her.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "City On Fire" (11/16/08)

Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight at the Battle of the Bands, we're introducing, Wisteria Lane's mid-life crisis garage band....Blue Odyssey!

As our intrepid suburban Dad's launch into a rousing rendition of "Mustang Sally," fire breaks out.

All the wives are there and ---hey Julie, how you been?---it's destined to be a "who will live, who will die" situation before the night's over.

Mary Alice tells us the fire is discovered to be arson, and before the night is through someone will be arrested.

But first let's flashback to the day before.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "What More Do I Need?" (11/09/08)

After seeing Tom in what she thought was a compromising situation, Lynette is stunned to find out that Porter is the one sleeping with Anne Shilling, aka, Porter's best friend's mother, aka Mrs. Robinson.

Lynette manhandles Anne in the ladies room and warns her off.  That becomes a problem however when Anne tells Porter that she's pregnant with his child.

By the end of the episode, Lynette thinks she reconciled with Porter, but the truth is he's planning to run away with the pregnant Anne.

McCluskey and sister Roberta are hot on the trail of Dave's cellphone calls courtesy of Roberta's job at the cellphone company.  They figure out that Dave has a specialist for the criminally insane calling him every month to check up on him.  When they make a clumsy call to Dave's doctor, they tip him off that Dave's in Fairview and the shocked Doc books the first flight out.

Lily Tomlin and Kathryn Joosten are a hoot as the sleuthing sisters and hopefully Marc Cherry will keep them paired up for a while.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "There's Always A Woman" (11/2/08)

Frances Conroy, recently of "Six Feet Under," joins "Desperate Housewives" as Mrs. Hildebrand, a wealthy woman who's one of Carlos' clients.

Carlos knows he has magic hands when it comes to massages but he becomes disturbed when he realizes Mrs. Hildebrand is having more than just a relaxing experience on his table. 

She's actually having orgasms.

Now that's not too bad for Carlos since she also hands out $300 tips, but he hesitates when she offers to take him to Europe with her for two months, as her personal masseur.  When Gabby hears about Mrs. H's offer to pay $100,000 for the trip and the service, she's like, Carlos, start packing.

But when she finds out about Mrs. H's happy endings, she confronts her and says it's time to call the relationship quits.  Mrs. H reassures Gabby there's nothing funny going on and the "big O" incident was a one time thing.  She even offers to bring the whole Solis family on the European trip, and Gabby can go to all the couture fashion shows with her while there.  Gabby's sold.