"New Moon" Equals "New Dreck"
I bit the bullet the other night and went to see "New Moon" 'cause everybody and their brother is talking about this movie.
Stars Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner are all over the talk shows, screaming girls are everywhere they go and the movie is breaking box office records.
So in spite of never reading the Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer and never seeing the first "Twilight" movie, I decided to check out what all the fuss was about.
Oh man!
Why didn't I go with my first instinct and run in the other direction!? The only good thing I can say about the experience is when some teeny bopper starts yelling at me about what a great movie this is, I can yell back in detail why I thought it was dreck.
First of all, I was coming into this movie blind, so the filmmakers really needed to give me an experience that stood on its own as a movie. They couldn't assume that I was going to fill in the gaps with stuff from the book or from the first movie.
Unfortunately they didn't do that. There was no story to speak of. There were werewolves and vampires, but nobody bit anybody and the CGI werewolves weren't scary.
As far as the main characters: Bella is a drip. Edward is like, meh. Jacob looks good with his shirt off but, so what?
The big Bella and Edward romance was about as exciting as a pocket full of lint and though Edward's vampire relatives were interesting, they weren't on camera nearly enough.
The whole thing was designed as two hour photo shoot of Lautner's bare chest and Pattinson's slow mo stare. I don't mind some of that, hey, I'm big on the eye candy, but please--give me a freakin' story, would you?
The one vampire who seems like she might jazz things up because she hates Bella, makes a cameo and then disappears. There went that chance for excitement.
The movie doesn't work as a love story and it certainly doesn't work as a vampire movie. You want good vamps, watch "True Blood," "Buffy," "Angel," or any one of a bunch of movies I could name.
Is it worth $10? Not even.
