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March 13, 2009

"Damages" Recap: "They Had To Tweeze That Out Of My Kidney" (2/25/09)

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Ted danson

Poor Ellen can't sleep and gets up to take some pills.  As she's washing them down she hears someone talking to her, and it's...poor, dear, dead fiance David!

David, Ellen and I miss you! 

Ellen's confused but pleased to see him.  David tells her she's not dreaming but having one of those half asleep/half awake hallucinations we all have from time to time. 

David's in medical mode too 'cause he's wearing scrubs.  He picks up the pill bottle and Ellen explains she only takes them when she can't sleep.  She also says she moved out of the apartment they shared together.  David's glad about that 'cause he never liked the place. 

Considering Patty got it for them, no wonder.

Ellen apologizes to David for getting him killed and David's like, that's all water under the bridge.  What he is concerned about is the wedding present he left for her.  Why hasn't she opened it yet? 

He opens a dresser drawer and there's the gift.

The phone rings and David asks if it's Patty.  Ellen looks at the number and says it's the FBI.  David smiles, "That's right you're a Fed now."

Ellen corrects him, "No, an informant."

She then answers the phone, but it's a mistake because when she turns around David is gone. 


Agent Glenn's on the phone and tells Ellen Uncle Pete tried to kill himself.

Ellen asks if he's gonna live.

"We don't know."

Opening credits.

Uncle Pete's in a hospital bed and by his side are Patty and his sickly wife, Stefania.  When Patty asks Stefania why Pete might have tried to kill himself, Stefania says she doesn't know but describes the "clients" Pete brought home and how he left her a note.  She gives the note to Patty.

Patty's nearly in tears remembering when she was a little girl playing in her yard and hearing her angry father coming home and yelling at her mother. 

Ellen meets the FBI posse in the FBI posse car and wants to know what happened.  They tell her and want to know about Patty's reaction.  Ellen says Patty knows about the overdose but doesn't' know why Pete did it.  Agent Mario states the obvious: if Pete wakes up he's still going to have to choose between Patty and jail, jail and Patty.

Mr. Slick is meeting with What's His Name and suggesting he invest in the Evil Empire.  By special request of "Damages" recap fan Shaz, I've gone back to calling Patty's husband What's His Name.  Shaz's other name for him?  Flashdance.  Heh.

What's His Name is like, investing money in the Evil Empire is like throwing hundred dollar bills down a sewer drain.  Everybody knows the big merger was a big financial bust.  Mr. Slick begs to differ, saying big money is going to start pouring into the Evil Empire soon.  The stock price is going to go up and Patty's going to lose the lawsuit.

Frobisher is with Guru Master in the field where he was shot, describing what happened.  Guru Master is pleased saying, "This is a key moment in your healing process."  

Then good old Art, who's always priceless, says he wants to build a Guru Master center that's a one stop shopping mall for all the crap he and the Guru Master do together.  And he wants the Guru Master to run it. 

Frobisher takes out the bullet that hit him. "They had to tweeze it out of my kidney," he says, holding it up for Guru Master to see.  He wants to bury it in the ground right where he was shot as a cornerstone of the new Guru Master center.  

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this week's episode title.

Guru Master's response is measured and I give him lots of credit because here Frobisher's offering him a huge chunk of money and his only concern is still Frobisher's soul.   Guru Master's a man you can trust.

His quote of the day, "Every action has two sides, one dark and one facing the sun."

Frobisher's like, Huh?

Guru Master translates:  Look if you want to give me a bunch of money to create my dream Guru Master utopia, do it, but do it because it is what you wish to do.

Frobisher embraces him with tears in his eyes.

Stefania is leaving her house when Patrick--the guy who attacked Ellen--shows up.  She tells him about Pete and how someone "ratted" him out.  I love how this little old lady, who's sipping oxygen 24/7 is so down with 50's street lingo.  Anyway, she's on her way to get licorice for Pete and Patrick offers to give her a lift.

Ellen joins Patty in her office and they bond over memories of Uncle Pete.  Patty reminisces about her father, who she refers to as a "complicated man."  What that turns out to mean is that he was a frustrated loser with delusions of grandeur who wanted out of family life.  To that end, one day he picked up and left.  Uncle Pete was the one who took up the slack.

Patty acknowledges that Ellen warned her the FBI would go after someone else close to her.  Patty's pretty sure the reason Pete's in the hospital is because he was trying to protect her.  Ellen reminds her that when Pete wakes up the Feds could still flip him.  What should they do?

"Wait," Patty says.

At the Palace of Heavenly Waters Frobisher and Guru Master are meditating, eyes closed, hands outstretched when Fuzzy the Killer arrives with Wes.

Frobisher who's not happy to see either one of them wants to know who the new guy is.  Fuzzy introduces Wes and says he's been keeping tabs on Ellen.

Spouting some very non-heavenly curses, Frobisher tells Fuzzy and Wes to take their crap-ass selves out of there.  Several other Palace participants overhear this so Frobisher takes his guests aside.  

Before Frobisher can say anything else Wes describes how Ellen visited Frobisher in the hospital and was this close to killing him.  And how she's using Hewes, Inc. to investigate him.

Fuzzy says, "You're gonna drop this lawsuit."

"No, I'm not," Frobisher says.  Then he goes all Guru Master on Fuzzy's ass.

"Every action has two sides.  One faces the sun, the other darkness."

Fuzzy pauses.

"What does that mean?"

Ha, ha, ha, ha....!

Frobisher says, "I'm prepared to take responsibility but you are stuck in the past.  Today, I walk without fear."  Grasshopper!

God I wish he had said that.

It's grief counseling night and Wes and Ellen walk in together.  Freckles is there to welcome them.  During the session Ellen talks about David's wedding gift and how she hasn't opened it.  Though she interprets that as meaning she's trying to move on, Wes jumps in and says she's really trying to stay where she is.  The gift is her last piece of David and once she opens it, he's really and truly gone.

If I was Freckles, I would have had to slap Wes upside the head and say, "I'm the therapist in this room Mister, not you!"

What's His Name is at home with Patty talking about how Pete may never wake up.  Then Patty's hubby changes the subject and reports that the Evil Empire is expecting an influx of big money soon.  Patty returns the favor by telling What's His Name about Cokey and Coke Girl.  She suspects Kendrick is using Cokey to manipulate energy futures.

Speaking of Coke Girl, Tommy approaches her on the street and scares her silly about being associated with Cokey.  He wants information and tells her if she's smart she'll give it to him.

"I know your johns want you to lie, but I want honest intercourse," says Tommy.  Heh.  Love that line.

He gives her his phone number and suggests she call him.

At Chez Patty, also on the phone is What's His Name.  He's putting in a buy order for stock in the Evil Empire, but he's keeping it on the QT.

One of Pete's flunkies, Michael is hanging out with his homies when Patrick comes tearing up and demands to know who set up Pete.  Michael spills like an overflowing bucket and says it was all Timmy's fault.  He's also worried that Pete will turn them all in.

Patrick defends Pete, saying he'd never do that.  Never, ever.

Back at the hospital, Pete's still out.  Stefania's there knitting when Pete reaches out and grabs her hand.  He's awake.

Agent Glenn comes to see Pete awhile later and basically gives him the same song and dance.  Patty or prison.  Prison or Patty.  Pete's response is a request for a bed pan.

Cokey and Coke Girl are in a bedroom.  He does another trade then orders her to undress him.  She makes the mistake of telling him about Tommy's visit and Cokey goes all crazy threatening to kill her if she talks to Tommy again.  Coke Girl is understandably scared even after Cokey apologizes and then once again orders her to undress him.

Have I mentioned I don't like him?

Guru Master is stroking a rabbit and thinking pleasant thoughts at the Haven of Pleasurable Purpose.  Fuzzy the Killer shows up and shows off his inner serenity by announcing that he's read several of Guru Master's books.  He was especially impressed by one of those animal stories with a moral at the end.  Except Fuzzy twists the moral around into pure evil.  Something about a jackal and death and betrayal.

Not quite what Guru Master had in mind.  Fuzzy then asks to hold the rabbit.

Bunny, ruuuuuuunnnnn!

The bunny doesn't run and Guru Master slowly hands him over.  Fuzzy strokes the rabbit's white fur and all I can think about is what the hell is it with Glenn Close productions and rabbits?  

Anyway, Fuzzy is stroking the poor bunny while telling Guru Master that Frobisher was his student first and it's up to Guru Master to tell him that Fuzzy's lessons aren't finished yet.  He says all this of course with just enough menace to freak out even Guru Master.  He gives back the rabbit.

Bunny lives to see another day.  Whew!

Patty's talking to Pete in the hospital and getting the details on how the Feds hooked him.  Then he's all regretful, saying he should have taken more pills and how he's really screwed things up for Patty even worse than her old man.  Patty doesn't buy that but says Pete should have come to her so they could work it out.

Back at the Heavenly House of Serene Animals, Guru Master is telling Frobisher about Fuzzy's visit and how Fuzzy ain't his friend.  And though he might be able to bash Frobisher's head in, he can't touch Frobisher's soul.

Frobisher's like, yeah, thanks...I think.

Guru Master calls Fuzzy a jackal and one that won't give up until he goes in for the kill.  Frobisher doesn't know what to do.  Guru Master asks if the authorities can help, but Frobisher says no.

So Guru Master says he has two choices, he can continue to run or he can turn himself in.  Good old Art doesn't like either of those choices but Guru Master is sure his decision will be "well considered."

As Guru Master leaves, Frobisher calls someone and says he needs to see them right away.

Cut to Frobisher in the backseat of yet another car, having sex with yet another hooker. 

People, what did I say about not wanting to see another Frobisher sex scene.  Bleh!

He and the hooker are going at it, "More, more, more.....God!"

Then as Frobisher hits his head on the side of the car, he shoves the hooker off him and just like before, call someones and says, "Yeah, I'll do it."

Guru Master has lost his pupil.

At the hospital Patty is by Pete's beside and remembering his coming up to her and taking her hand as she listened to her parents' heated argument.  Pete opens his eyes and Patty smiles at him. 

The Feds are outside in a van listening to their conversation. 

Patty asks Pete, "Why did you stick around, when dad took off?  You didn't owe us anything.  You could have left too.  I know you never wanted a family.  Why did you take care of us?"

"I don't know."  He puts his hand on her chin.

"You give them whatever you need to," Patty says.



Ellen's in the truck with the FBI posse and isn't buying that Patty wants Pete to give her up.  "I have one thing on her and she tries to kill me.  Can you imagine what Pete knows?"

Frobisher is meeting Fuzzy out at a park somewhere.  He agrees to drop the lawsuit and he'll pay Fuzzy the same as he did before.

In another unrelated park...I think...Coke Girl is meeting Tommyhawk.  Coke Girl is scared of Cokey, and Tommy mentioning Christine's murder convinces her she better play ball.  Coke Girl tells Tommy as much as she knows and promises to find out more.  Tommy offers her money but she refuses saying she'll tell him what she wants when the time comes. 

Patty is telling Tommy, Frobisher dropped out of the lawsuit but it's okay because they have more plaintiffs now. Any info from Coke Girl?  Tommy thinks she's almost ready to talk and Patty's happy about that.

Pete is surprised at the hospital by a visit from Patrick.  Pete is startled Patrick's back in town and reminds him they shouldn't be seen together.

"Is it because of what we did for your boss?" 

Flashback to Patrick attacking Ellen.

Pete says, no it has nothing to do with that.  Patrick then asks Pete about what the Feds want.

Out in the van Ellen and the FBI posse are listening in and the Feds want to know if Ellen recognizes Patrick's voice.  She doesn't. 

And why would she? He didn't say much when he was trying to slice her neck open.

The FBI posse sends Ellen into the hospital to see if she can get a look at Patrick.  She takes off.

Meanwhile Patrick speculates that Pete is going to have to give the Feds something big to keep himself out of jail.  Pete understands what Patrick's getting at and lets him know, Pete won't say a word about him.  Now get out, get lost, goodbye. 

Ellen's running through the hospital on her way to Pete's room.

Patrick gives Pete a friendly goodbye and a syringe full of some kind of poison as a goodbye present.

"Goodbye Pete."

Pete couldn't see that Patrick injected something in his IV but soon he's gagging and gasping for air.

Ellen's almost to Pete's room when she sees Patrick's back as he leaves it.

Patty's at a park watching kids romp around in a playground when Ellen calls.  She tells Patty the bad news about Pete. 

Outside the hospital Michael picks up Patrick.

Patty's at the park listening to Ellen and then puts the phone down, tears in her eyes. 

Patrick tells Michael, Pete won't be talking to anyone. 

Patty sees a man holding hands with a little blonde girl and walking away.

Flashback to Pete coming to Patty behind the tree and saying, "Why don't we go and get some licorice?"

"Thanks, Uncle Pete," young Patty says.  They walk away, holding hands.  Ahhhh.

Flash forward three months.

Stefania unlocks a file cabinet in a closet.  Inside are folders with names one them.  She opens one up and there are pictures of Ellen, Katie and...little Safron!  Poor Safron.

Just when you start to feel sympathetic to Patty you can't forget she's a dog killer. 

Stefania also finds a file with Ellen's name on it. 

Cut to Stefania in the lobby of Ellen's apartment building.  She gives Ellen the folder and says she found it with Pete's things. 

"Just for a thrillllllll...."   And we're back with Ray Charles. 

Ellen says, "Actually, I take that back.  You should be scared.  You should be terrified."

"Ellen don't.  It's not who you are."

Finally we see who Ellen's holding a gun on.  Heeeeere's Patty!

'You're right.  You know me too well.  I would never use this,"  Ellen gestures to the gun.  "It's not even loaded.  So it's just the two of us face to face."

Ellen takes out the file with her name on it and hands it to Patty.  Looking really scared, Patty takes the folder.

Bang, bang.

RIP, Uncle Pete.  Even though you tried to have Ellen killed, and God knows what else.


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