"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "The Gun Song" (5/18/08)

Welcome to the first half of the "Desperate Housewives" two hour season finale.  We were promised pathos and we got it.  We were promised gay marriage and we got it.  We were promised a baby named Maynard and we got that too.

Mary Alice begins this episode by telling us about names:

Lynette in French means "pretty one;" Katherine is from Greek meaning "purity;" Gabrielle is Hebrew for "God is my strength;" and Bree is an Irish name that means "power."

With all due respect to Mary Alice I'd like to propose that Lynette in French really means, "obnoxious shrew of a wife who cuts off her husband's balls every chance she gets;"  Katherine in Greek really means, "secretive woman on the run from Psycho Daddy;" Gabrielle is Hebrew for, "short, shallow, gold digger; and Bree is Irish for, "iron fisted, domestic diva with a killer muffin recipe."

Names are relevant this week because Mike and Susan are trying to find one for Baby Boy Delfino.  They run through several before settling on...Connor.   So is Marc Cherry a secret fan of "Angel" or something? If they flash forward, does that mean Connor's going to be 35 next time we see him.  (Only "Angel" fans will get that one, for the rest of you, forgive me.)

Anyway, no sooner do they choose Connor, then Mike's grandfather dies and Mike wants to name the baby after him.  His name?  Maynard.

Susan is just about as thrilled about that as you'd expect, so in classic Susan fashion, she spends the episode trying to change the name back to Connor on the birth certificate. When Mike finds out she hates the name, he explains to her all the wonderful things his Grandfather Maynard did like ending racism in the United States, finding a cure for AIDS and keeping his family on the straight and narrow.  After Mike's heartfelt speech, Susan agrees to the name Maynard.

Mike, you know I love you, but even after all the great things Maynard did for the world, no way would that kid be named Maynard.

Lynette meanwhile has Child Protective Services breathing down her neck courtesy of Kayla and Doc Dolan.  First they're just investigating, but when Kayla burns herself with a cigarette and accuses Mommy, Lynette's carted off to jail and Tom has some tough decisions to make.

He eventually traps Kayla into admitting everything and then ships her off to her grandparents.  I'm assuming they're the parents of her crazy mother, is that really a good idea?  How about a nice juvenile detention center? 

Anyway, our last shot of evil little Kayla is through the back window of her grandparent's retreating car.  She's screaming that she's sorry and begs Daddy to let her stay.  Tom is crushed. 

Kudos to Doug Savant for making us feel Tom's pain in this scene. The male actors on this show sometimes get lost in the shuffle with all the estrogen flying around, but the show wouldn't be as good as it is without them holding up their end.  Let's hear it for the guys.

And speaking of guys, Wisteria Lane's resident gay couple, Bob and Lee have decided to have a commitment ceremony and they want Bree and Kat to cater it.  If they had waited a little longer, they could have had an official marriage ceremony, but plot-wise this works just as well.

In a very funny scene, Bree and Kat mull over serving options while bonding at the the local shooting range.  Kat tells Bree she's worried about burglars now that Adam's gone, but her real concern is Psycho Daddy.

The cops are busy at Carlos and Gaby's house trying to trap drug dealer Ellie.  When Ellie catches Gaby and a cop posing as a handyman planting bugs in her room, Gaby pretends they're having an affair.  Ellie is skeptical because the cop is shall we say, less than an attractive personality.  That doesn't stop her however from telling Carlos about the "affair." 

When Carlos confronts Gaby, Gaby confronts Ellie about spilling the beans.  Ellie gives a sob story about her father finding out her mother was having an affair and him leaving the family because of it.  She loves Carlos and Gaby and doesn't want them to split.  That's why when the police sting finally starts to go down, Gaby warns Ellie to take off.

Orson is stalking Bree and somehow thinks that will convince her to take him back.  Bree uses a dinner with Reverend Green, just back from his secret mission to North Korea to deliver Bibles...heh...to make Orson jealous.  The problem is she also fires Reverend Green up into a lustful lather.  After Bree spurns him, Reverend Green plans a sermon about red headed "jezebels," but Orson defends Bree's honor and ends up in the hospital.  Bree goes to make sure he's okay, though she doesn't let him know she's there.

Kat gets a visit from Psycho Daddy, who's getting more psycho by the minute, and refuses to tell him the truth about Dylan.  He doesn't like that and only leaves because they're interrupted by Bob and Lee.  Kat later joins forces with Adam, deciding the best way to protect Dylan is to take her on an extended vacation after graduation.  Dylan's down with that, but when Kat and Adam attend Dylan's cello recital, Psycho Daddy uses the opportunity to kidnap Adam.

Cut to Adam tied up to a chair in a dingy torture room.  Psycho Daddy introduces himself, "I'm Wayne Davis, and we're about to have some fun."

Nooooo.

I'll have the snap recap of part two of this season finale posted by tomorrow night.  Stay tuned.

Photo courtesy and copyright ABC

Lynette meanwhile has Child Protective Services breathing down her neck courtesy of Kayla and Doc Dolan.  First they're just investigating, but when Kayla burns herself with a cigarette and accuses Mommy, Lynette's carted off to jail and Tom has some tough decisions to make.

He eventually traps Kayla into admitting everything and then ships her off to her grandparents.  I'm assuming they're the parents of her crazy mother, is that really a good idea?  How about a nice juvenile detention center? 

Anyway, our last shot of evil little Kayla is through the back window of her grandparent's retreating car.  She's screaming that she's sorry and begs Daddy to let her stay.  Tom is crushed. 

Kudos to Doug Savant for making us feel Tom's pain in this scene. The male actors on this show sometimes get lost in the shuffle with all the estrogen flying around, but the show wouldn't be as good as it is without them holding up their end.  Let's hear it for the guys.

And speaking of guys, Wisteria Lane's resident gay couple, Bob and Lee have decided to have a commitment ceremony and they want Bree and Kat to cater it.  If they had waited a little longer, they could have had an official marriage ceremony, but plot-wise this works just as well.

In a very funny scene, Bree and Kat mull over serving options while bonding at the the local shooting range.  Kat tells Bree she's worried about burglars now that Adam's gone, but her real concern is Psycho Daddy.

The cops are busy at Carlos and Gaby's house trying to trap drug dealer Ellie.  When Ellie catches Gaby and a cop posing as a handyman planting bugs in her room, Gaby pretends they're having an affair.  Ellie is skeptical because the cop is shall we say, less than an attractive personality.  That doesn't stop her however from telling Carlos about the "affair." 

When Carlos confronts Gaby, Gaby confronts Ellie about spilling the beans.  Ellie gives a sob story about her father finding out her mother was having an affair and him leaving the family because of it.  She loves Carlos and Gaby and doesn't want them to split.  That's why when the police sting finally starts to go down, Gaby warns Ellie to take off.

Orson is stalking Bree and somehow thinks that will convince her to take him back.  Bree uses a dinner with Reverend Green, just back from his secret mission to North Korea to deliver Bibles...heh...to make Orson jealous.  The problem is she also fires Reverend Green up into a lustful lather.  After Bree spurns him, Reverend Green plans a sermon about red headed "jezebels," but Orson defends Bree's honor and ends up in the hospital.  Bree goes to make sure he's okay, though she doesn't let him know she's there.

Kat gets a visit from Psycho Daddy, who's getting more psycho by the minute, and refuses to tell him the truth about Dylan.  He doesn't like that and only leaves because they're interrupted by Bob and Lee.  Kat later joins forces with Adam, deciding the best way to protect Dylan is to take her on an extended vacation after graduation.  Dylan's down with that, but when Kat and Adam attend Dylan's cello recital, Psycho Daddy uses the opportunity to kidnap Adam.

Cut to Adam tied up to a chair in a dingy torture room.  Psycho Daddy introduces himself, "I'm Wayne Davis, and we're about to have some fun."

Nooooo.

I'll have the snap recap of part two of this season finale posted by tomorrow night.  Stay tuned.

Photo courtesy and copyright ABC