"Desperate Housewives" Recap: The Game (10/14/07)
The theme of tonight's episode is the games people play.
Mary Alice tells us "All children love to play games." But playing is no fun unless they have people to play with. That's why Susan is calling the wives to invite them to a charades party. Unfortunately, Susan's parties are notoriously awful and everyone refuses. That is until Bree spreads the word about the "The Scene" she witnessed last week at the Mayfair house. The wives are dying to know what's going on and Lynette suggests Susan's party would be the perfect place to find out.
So when each wife calls to "suddenly become available" for the party they all insist Susan invite "that delightful Katherine Mayfair," as Queen Bree puts it.
When Susan invites Kat herself, she mentions all her friends insisted she be invited. Kat suspects something's up as Mary Alice tells us, "Not all adults like to play games. But the ones who do, play to win."
Opening credits.
Lynette's mother Stella hates to cook, but because Lynette is nauseous and not eating, Mama's made her some pale yellow, soupy looking macaroni and cheese from scratch. She should have saved herself the trouble and opened a box of Kraft.
Anyway Mama Stella's very disappointed when Lynette refuses her homemade offering. Deciding other measures might be necessary to treat Lynette's ills, Mama suggests scoring Lynette some pot to curb the nausea and bump up her appetite. Lynette refuses Mama's dubious offer, objecting to getting her meds from a "guy under a bridge."
Susan discovers Mike in the garage building a baby crib. She freaks out because she doesn't want the pregnancy jinxed. She might have a point there. I'd say Susan being the child's mother is jinx enough. Mike doesn't see the danger but does insist on putting extra safety latches on the crib. I always knew that man had a good head on his shoulders.
Bree and Orson are coming back from the grocery when Susan spots them from across the street. Bree complains it's becoming harder and harder to keep Susan from hugging her. Before her "pregnancy" she never realized Susan was "such a hugger." But Bree's got bigger problems when she finds out Susan wants the name of her obstetrician.
Obstetrician? What obstetrician? Oh, that obstetrician.
Bree thought Susan was seeing Kat's husband, Dr. Adam. Susan confesses seeing Dr. Mayfair is bringing the examining room a little too close to home and she doesn't want her private parts being poked and prodded by her new neighbor's husband. Though Bree tries to change her mind, Susan is adamant. Finally Bree pretends she doesn't remember her obstetrician's name and has to go in the house to get it. Once inside, she sticks a pen in the Yellow Pages and gives the name of that doctor to Susan. Susan's thrilled 'cause they're gonna be "pregnant gals sharing a doctor."
Speak of the devil---and when he played Caleb on Buffy he was this close to the devil---Dr. Adam is washing his car when a cute Edie look-a-like jogs over and asks for a drink from his hose. No, not that hose. The garden hose. He obliges and can't help taking an extra look at the goods as she jogs away. All of a sudden the hose in his hand runs dry. Kat turned off the water. Is that symbolic or what?
Kat gets her jealous on and we find out Dr. Adam might have done some extra marital roaming in the past.
Gabby and Carlos are finishing up a pleasant little romp in the sack and Gabby wants to know when Carlos is going to dump Edie. Carlos says he's got a plan to get rid of Edie within two weeks. While he does his backyard escape route, we find Mama Stella is chatting with the local bad boy of Wisteria Lane Andrew Van De Kamp about "scoring some weed." He's like, no problem.
Bree's on the phone with Danielle and finds out she took a spill at the convent while roller blading. Bree wants to know where she even got a pair of roller blades. It seems she borrowed them from one of the "eating disorder girls. They have all the good exercise equipment." Heh.
Queen Bree is appalled and tells Danielle she's ordered the nuns to sequester her until the baby is born. Danielle harps on how boring that will be, what with her not even having a DVD player, but Bree wants her to use the time for "reflection and personal growth." Danielle responds with an unsurprising, "I hate you."
Too bad Bree can't send a slap across the telephone wires because I'd say one was in order right about now.
Tom is trying to coax Lynette into eating because "the charades assassin" is going to need all her strength at Susan's party. Lynette's most famous win? She got "The Americanization of Emily" in fifteen...excuse me...twelve seconds.
But Lynette can't eat. She's not up to playing strength and she'd rather take an extra chemo treatment than lose at charades to Susan. There's a knock on the door and it's Andrew with a package for Mama Stella. She intercepts it from Tom and tells him it's a pattern for an afghan she's knitting for Lynette.
We cut to a closeup of Susan looking in an aquarium. As we pull out, we see the fish in the aquarium are dead and Susan has arrived for her first appointment with "Bree's obstetrician."
The reception area is very welcoming. Especially if you live at the local crack den. There's a bowl of free condoms on the table, a hooker who looks like the long lost female member of KISS---she's there to buy "clean urine," and the sounds of sirens in the background. Susan has to put a napkin on one of the plastic chairs before she feels it's safe enough to sit 'cause "it's not exactly what she expected."
At the Scavo house, Mama Stella has whipped up a batch of her world famous weed brownies. She suckers Parker into using his little kid cuteness to convince Lynette to eat one. Lynette does and thinks it's delicious.
Julie and Dylan are studying at the Mayfair house when Dr. Adam and Kat leave for the big party at Susan's. When they're gone, Julie admires Adam's laid back-ness and Dylan says everybody's laid back compared to "robo-Mom." Julie wants to know what happened when Dylan asked Kat about her father. Dylan relates how Mommy Kat hit the roof and she didn't find out anything. When Julie discovers Kat keeps old boxes in a locked room, she decides it's time for some breaking and entering.
At Chez Susan, Susan's still not home from the obstetrician and Mike's a little worried. He tells Bree and Orson she went to the doctor on River Street. Orson wonders why she would go there, since River Street is Fairview's answer to skid row. Bree's alarmed, she had no idea she was sending Susan to a dump. But as the Mayfairs arrive, Bree forgets Susan and has Orson open up the wine, ready to prime the Kat information pump.
Edie and Carlos are ready to leave and Edie looks like she's dressed for a cocktail party at the Trumps, instead of a neighborhood game night. It's the kind of outfit Paige Matheson would have worn proudly. Carlos points that out and she hints tonight might be a good time to announce their engagement. Carlos is like, no way. Promise you won't say a word. Edie promises but when his back is turned she slips a hunky diamond ring on the third finger of her left hand.
Gabby and Victor are walking toward Susan's house---Gabby's also dressed to the nines---and Victor is gloating over a Blackberry message that says a political competitor's wife was arrested for shoplifting. Gabby wants to know why that's such a big deal and Victor points out, any scandal of a candidate or a candidate's spouse is fair game in the press. Victor's happy he doesn't have to worry about anything like that with Gabby. Oh nooooo. Not with Gabby.
Just then Edie and Carlos meet Victor and Gabby at Susan's gate.
Inside Tom is explaining that Lynette is not feeling well and won't be able to make the party. That however doesn't stop him from charade trash talking with Orson. Meanwhile Bree and Gabby are giving Kat the not so subtle third degree about her past. Kat's Mama didn't raise no dummies and she knows exactly what's going on. She makes it clear she doesn't want to talk about her first marriage. In response, Bree offers to top off Kat's wine glass. Bree, I think you're wasting your time.
Edie joins the group and in a dramatic move straight out of central casting, pretends her contact lens slipped in her eye and raises her left hand to her face, flashing the engagement ring. It's deliciously, classic Edie.
Sure enough Bree notices the ring and Edie acts all shocked and embarrassed. She and Carlos had promised they weren't going to announce the engagement just yet. Gabby is floored and excuses herself to look for Carlos. When she finds him, she lets him have it for giving Edie a ring the size of a "peach pit." Carlos has to admit they're engaged and tries to explain, but Gabby, not interested in explanations, tells him they're through.
Carlos confronts Edie about buying herself an engagement ring and then making sure everyone saw it. Edie reassures him it wasn't expensive...he can pay her back later. "Count on it," says Carlos.
Susan gets home and corners Bree about the crack den obstetrician. She drags Bree in the kitchen where she proceeds to scrub her hands and arms as she describes the horror of it all. All Susan could keep thinking as she went through the exam was that Bree recommended this guy so he must be a great doctor. That's why she didn't worry when she saw the office was between "a needle exchange and the area's only transvestite book store." Hee.
Susan says there were "ant traps on the speculum tray" and she also thinks he took pictures of her with his camera phone during the exam. Ew, ewww. Bree has the grace to look horrified and offers to pay for the slashed tire and the stolen cellphone...heee... but Susan says that's not the point. Why would Bree send her there??? The guy was obviously not Bree's doctor.
Bree says she can't tell her why because it's private. Susan leaves the room to see to her guests and winces as she tugs down her skirt.
That's the funniest scene Teri Hatcher's had on this show in a long time and she played it really well. I don't always like Susan but I like her a heck of a lot when she's genuinely funny.
Carlos is on the phone with the guy he gave the money to last week and says something has to be done about Edie. The guy says he'll see what he can do.
Gabby starts flirting with Dr. Adam pretending there's a tag hanging out of her dress that he needs to help her with. He obliges and she tickles him with some ice and he chuckles, basking in Gabby's feminine spotlight. Carlos is nauseated and breaks a glass.
Kat is also watching and stews in silence until she gets Dr. Adam alone and says something about humiliating her and "not learning anything from Chicago." Adam decides the best solution for Kat's jealousy is another drink.
Edie, ever the opportunist, approaches Kat and says not to blame Dr. Adam. Blame Gabby and her tainted reputation.
Later the games are about to begin. Susan is the captain of one team and Gabby, the captain of the other. Gabby picks Adam and Susan picks Lynette only to see she's not there. Tom explains she was too sick to come.
Cut to Lynette watching "Sponge Bob" through a weed brownie haze with her kids, eating chips like no tomorrow and laughing like a drunk hyena. "He's a sponge, but he talks!"
Lynette thinks the anti-nausea meds have kicked in, but Mama Stella knows better.
Back at the party, Gabby picks Orson and when he says she should pick Edie so she won't be "last pick" Gabby picks Mike. Heh. Susan then goes through an interminable ritual of explaining the charade signals, right down to the signal for "poem."
At the Mayfair's Julie's successfully picked the lock of the room with the boxes and she and Dylan take a peak inside. Julie explains she developed her lock picking skills 'cause she has a mother who's always locking herself out of the house.
Returning to the fun, fun, fun at Susan's, the hostess is still going through the signals. Everybody's like, let's play already. Lynette arrives and those weed brownies have got her in a party mood. Susan calls dibs on her but Gabby says that's not fair 'cause Lynette is like the charade ninja. Flying high above the treetops, Lynette agrees and takes out a lamp with her version of a ninja kick complete with karate yell. Everyone's a little surprised by that, but this is one of Susan's parties after all so anything's possible.
Flash forward to the game in full swing and Orson's doing signals that indicate his foot and "sounds like." Bree pops up and yells, "Two Mules For Sister Sarah!" Nothing like a little nun humor.
Lynette's next. She reads the clue and just stands there for at least fifteen seconds. Everybody's like, come on Lynette, let's go. She says it's really hard, but then she starts. It's a western. She gives the signal for "whole idea." She gestures at Edie, pointing frantically. People yell out Edie's name, but Lynette shakes her head. Then she climbs on the fireplace hearth, puts her hand up like she's got a noose around her neck and then jumps, pretending to hang herself. Everyone has the same expressions on their faces that the audience in the "Producers" had at the opening of "Springtime For Hitler." Tom finally guesses "Hang 'Em High?" That was it! Lynette's thrilled.
I gotta say, that scene had me rolling, literally rolling on the floor. It was a spitting the Diet Coke across the room moment and really awesome.
Susan smartly suggests they take a break. Tom asks Lynette if she's feeling okay. She's like, sure, never better. Andrew comes over to get Orson for a phone call at the Van De Kamp house. Stella comes over not long after and wants to know if Lynette brought the brownies over because they're missing. Tom wants to know if that's a problem.
Cut to Tom stopping Lynette from handing out the brownies. He grabs them from people as they're just about to take a bite and says they're a bad batch and full of trans fats. In his brownie collecting frenzy, Tom bumps into Gabby who spills a drink on Adam. As Gabby cleans Adam off, she gives him a full on view of her cleavage. Kat doesn't like this one bit and gets her jealous on again. She tells Gabby to keep her hands off her husband. When Gabby explains she spilled a drink on him, Kat wants to know if she wanted to make up for it by "breast feeding him?" Great line.
Gabby gets angry and accuses Kat of having a rod up her butt. At that, Kat throws the teenage gardener ammunition at Gabby, conveniently supplied by Edie. Victor perks up at that and in response Gabby tells Kat, Bree saw her slap Dylan. What was that about?
Kat emotionally tells them all that Dylan's father was a monster and did the worst thing any father could do to their daughter. She hopes that satisfies everyone's curiosity, thanks for the party, goodnight.
Commercials. I must say, I love the new Geico commercial. The "E True Hollywood Story" treatment of the Flintstones. It's all about suspicions that Fred stole money to buy expensive rock jewelry for Wilma. Love it.
Back to our suburban party animals, Gabby finds Victor to explain about the teenage gardener, but Victor's busy making love to his Blackberry. The only thing he wants to know from Gabby is how many people know about the affair and can the kid be paid off? Gabby says Victor shouldn't be upset. News for you Gabby, he's not upset, he just wants to know how to spin it.
Dylan and Julie are playing with some old stuffed toys of Dylan's in the formerly locked room. Dylan doesn't remember any of the toys or the fact that the locked room used to be hers. Kat appears in the doorway. Julie's all embarrassed and tries to cover, but Kat's not happy and sends Julie home. Dylan apologizes meekly and though Kat says it's fine, she doesn't want her to see Julie again.
Orson returns to the party to tell Bree Danielle's having complications from the fall. He and Bree are about to leave when Susan accosts them. She's not finished trying to find out about the crack den obstetrician. Bree gets pissed and tells Susan the world is not all about her.
Edie follows Bree and Orson out of the house and says though the night "has been a complete disaster" it was still Susan's best party ever.
Gabby finds Carlos in the bathroom and kisses him. He's confused. She slaps him, and he's more confused. The slap was for letting Edie think they're engaged. The kiss was because Victor is a cold fish who only cares about his Blackberry while Carlos was incensed at her flirting. She prefers the hot blooded jealousy, hence love of Carlos. They are back on.
Carlos gets a call from the money guy. The guy says he'll need a week or two but he can make "it" happen. Turns out he's an accountant and when he gets off the phone, he asks his secretary to make some copies of the "Brit file." Hmm.
Later Victor comes up to Carlos and asks how he reacted about the teen gardener and Gabby. "How did you not kill him?" Victor wants to know 'cause if Gabby ever pulled something like that on him, that guy wouldn't be around for very long. After all, with enough money you can make anyone disappear. That gives a worried Carlos something to think about as Gabby comes down the stairs and leaves with Victor.
Bree's at home pulling plugs out of the DVD player. It's the only thing Danielle wanted and she feels guilty because she didn't send it to her. The phone rings and Orson tells Bree, Danielle and the baby are okay. Bree, relieved, cries on hubby Orson's shoulder.
Lynette and Tom come home. Lynette knows about the weed in the brownies. When Mama Stella says the kids are in bed, Tom wants to know if she put quaaludes in their cocoa. Lynette calls Mama Stella out about the brownies. She didn't want to be drugged because Mama was stoned most of Lynette's young life, and she's determined not to be stoned during her own kids'. Mama Stella's not sorry but says she won't do it again. She said watching Lynette giggle through "Sponge Bob" was the highlight of her trip.
You know, there's very little that can make me warm up to Lynette, but that "Sponge Bob" scene, kinda like the scene from a couple of seasons ago when she did a lewd dance in a bar, come close. There's a hardness to her I just can't get past no matter how much they try to humanize her. But that's just me.
Anyway Susan goes to Bree's and she brings "peace offering" cake. The two of them sit outside on the steps and bond. Susan says they've been distant since Bree's pregnancy and she doesn't like it. Just when we think Bree's going to tell her the truth, Bree tells Susan she's been upset because she almost lost the baby. There were complications. Susan's all sympathetic and admits her own freak out over Mike building the crib. "This is what we get for having kids at our age."
They eat more cake and then Susan says they're just a couple of "pregnant gals eatin' cake and bitchin'. I'm really liking Susan in this episode.
Kat's boxing up stuff in that locked room. She informs Adam, her aunt is ready to come home so she's going to give her the room and make it less "intriguing" to Dylan. Dr. Adam then wants to know why she told the wives that lie the night before. The one about "the worst thing any father can do to his daughter."
"You realize what people are gonna think," Adam says.
"They're going to be very uncomfortable," Kat says. "And uncomfortable people don't ask questions."
Can't wait to see who Kat's aunt is.
Mary Alice tells us, as children grow up they find new games to play. They "pretend to be well so their families won't worry." That's Lynette. "They lie to their lovers about where they go in the afternoon." That's Carlos. "They invent stories to hid the truth from their friends." That's Bree dropping the mail so Susan won't hug her.
"Everyone has fun playing games," Mary Alice says. "Right up until the moment someone gets hurt." That's Kat in that mysterious room. She pulls up the edge of the rug and stares at a deep gouge in the wood floor. When she touches it gently, she starts sobbing.
Verrrry interesting.
