"Desperate Housewives" Recap: Smiles Of A Summer Night (10/7/07)

Mary Alice starts off this episode by explaining about "the great crime wave that hit Wisteria Lane."  Skateboards went missing, bar-b-ques were "upended," and clean laundry trampled.  The answer lay---so to speak---at the former chez Solis where Carlos and Gabby have just had, hot, adulterous sex.  Gabby wants Carlos to dump Edie, telling him to, "just boot the bitch.  What are you afraid of?"

He's about to vehemently protest he isn't afraid of Edie, when who walks up to the door but Edie herself.  She's looking for Carlos

Scared out of his mind, Carlos and hides while Gabby greets her and then pretends she sees Carlos over Edie's shoulder going into their house.  When Edie's gone, Carlos is in a panic.  How's he supposed to get back home?  Gabby goes out to Edie's car to stall her while Carlos does a runner through the neighborhood backyards.  In the process he upends a bar-b-que, runs into a laundry line and finally car surfs behind Edie's car on a handy skateboard.  He gets to the back door just as Edie gets to the front, only to find it locked.

When Edie walks in she finds Carlos inside the house staring at the broken window of the back door.  He acts all surprised saying someone broke in.  Edie's appalled and as Mary Alice tells us, "so ended the great crime wave on Wisteria Lane.  No one ever found out who was responsible.  Because, it was an inside job."

Opening credits.

Mary Alice begins our morality play today by talking about smiles.  Smiles that mask despair, rage or "the tiniest bit of regret."

"That's why in the suburbs," Mary Alice says, "there's nothing more deceptive than a smile.  Perfectly illustrating that, Katherine Mayfair smiles sweetly and waves at Susan, Gabby and Queen Bree across the street.  They're trying to figure out what Julie meant last week when she said Dylan was a different girl.  Gabby wants to know if "different" means changed, or if "different" means replaced by a robot.  Heh.

Kat comes over and asks who they're dishing.  The wives are flustered until Gabby blurts out, "Susan."  That's not real convincing since Susan's right there, but Kat lets it pass.  Instead she suggests bringing lunch to Lynette to cheer her up, what with her having cancer and all.  All the ladies think it's a great idea and Queen Bree goes into super hostess mode assigning dishes to the others like Margaret Thatcher assigning orders to the troops.  When Bree tells Kat she can bring a "simple, green salad," Kat says she'd rather bring dessert. Well, Queen Bree sets her straight on that one, she always brings dessert, and she's got a lemon meringue pie recipe all ready to go. 

What follows is a clash of suburban titans.  Super hostess smackdown 2007.  In this corner, defending champion, Bree Van De Camp---I refuse to call her Hodge---and in this corner, challenger Katherine Mayfair.

Kat says the movers lost her salad bowls but she knows where her pie plates are.  Bree's like, well the pie plates won't be needed 'cause be-atch, I always brings dessert.  There's a long pregnant pause while the others wait expectantly.  When Susan can't take it anymore, she jumps in and says she'll lend Kat a salad bowl.  After all, she really should try Queen Bree's pie because it's perfect. 

"Who am I to argue with perfection?" Kat asks.  But the battle's not done.  She tells Bree something's been driving her crazy, and quicker than you can say Martha Stewart, she whips out manicuring scissors and snips a hanging thread....GASP!....off the bottom of Bree's skirt.

There's that smile again.  "Now you're perfect." 

Bree is mortified.

First round to Kat Mayfair!

Tom and Lynette are playing cards while Lynette gets her chemo treatment .  Tom tells Lynette she's a great trooper, reminiscing about Lynette's forty-two hour labor to bring Parker into the world with no meds.  Tom tells the story as if he's taking inventory of her life before she up and dies.  Lynette doesn't like it and says to stop composing her eulogy.  After all, she's "still troopin'.  Tom then gets teary-eyed talking about how one rainy day they played cards on their honeymoon...

"You're doing it again." Lynette says

When Tom puts down a card she was waiting for Lynette figures out he's been letting her win.  The last straw is when he emotionally tells her how much he loves her.  Lynette's tosses him out and says she'll go home in a cab.

Now I gotta tell you, I know she's got cancer and everything, but I thought Tom was being sweet and supportive.  For her to throw him out was kinda mean.  That's okay Tom, I know your heart was in the right place.

Carlos comes home to find Edie has, as the game show hosts would say...a brand new car!  Edie tells him it's his birthday present to her.  That's news to him since the car cost a whopping $80,000.  Carlos says he was going to get her earrings.  Heh.

When Carlos says he can't afford the car Edie tells him to move some of his offshore money, on shore.  Carlos is like, ixnay about the moneyay.  Edie's curious.  She wants to know if all that money was ill-gotten.  He says, if you don't want me to go to jail, ixnay about the moneyay.

Edie agrees to take the car back and says she'll come back with something that's more in his price range.  Uh oh.

Susan goes over to Kat's with the promised salad bowl and flashes back to the day when she and Mary Alice came over to ask Kat what was up with the moving van in the driveway.  Susan has this ugly chin length shoulder bob wig and Mary Alice is as tall as ever and looking good for a murderer.  When faced with their questions Kat acts all guilty and weird.  She says she's got a new job in Chicago, they're moving, she'll miss them, nice knowing you, goodbye.  She won't even let Julie say goodbye to Dylan.

Kat's door opens and we're back in the present.  Susan asks how that job in Chicago worked out.  Kat's like, job?  What job?  Oh, that job...yeah, yeah, it worked out well, gotta go.  She grabs the bowl and closes the door in Susan's face.

Mike and Susan are having pancakes for breakfast and Susan's going crazy on the syrup.  Mike says something about her and the baby both getting fat.  Now Mike, I like you. I think you're character is seriously underrated and you've got a great subtle hotness that I find particularly appealing, but any more comments like that and I'm gonna have to take you down.

Anyway, Susan does that pregnant woman guilt thing about screaming in labor pain thinking about how the father of her child denied her syrup.   Mike shuts up.  Julie comes in, sees the syrup and is about to add her two cents when Mike signals, ixnay on the syrupay.

Julie wants to go to some party around the corner and Mike pipes up that he's done work at that house and those kids have some wild parties.  He says he'd hate to tell them what he's snaked out of their toilet.  Julie's like, Mom said I could go.  Mike's like, I don't think you should, but it's up to your Mom.  They both look at Susan and wait.  Susan hesitates and then being the wuss that she is, decides to side with Mike.  A pissed Julie storms out.

Mrs McCluskey's getting her mail and sees Dylan on the street.  It's obvious Dylan doesn't remember her but McCluskey goes on about her memories of Dylan as a girl.  Like the time her Dad put a bell on her pretty new bike.  Dylan's like Dad, what Dad?  He left when I was a baby.  McCluskey's says not really.

Lynette's luncheon is in full swing and the wives are about to have pie and coffee.  Gabby's the first to taste the pie and gushes it's the best pie Bree's every made.  Kat has a little smirk on her face as the rest of them taste it.  When Bree takes a bite, she looks like she's been poisoned.  It's not her pie!

Kat grins smugly, "You caught me." Turns out that was Kat's pie.  She put Bree's in the fridge and served hers because she wanted so much for them to taste it. 

Queen Bree is fit to be tied.  She's like, I thought we all agreed I was bringing dessert.  Kat's says she was hoping they would give her some tips to improve her ecipe.  Bree smiles tightly and says there are obviously no tips needed.  As her friends said, it's the best pie ever made in the history of the world.

Kat says perhaps Bree shouldn't have said anything.  Kat would have been very happy for everyone to think it was Bree's.  Oh, she's good.  Second round to Kat Mayfair!

Susan gets out of this uncomfortable conversation by choosing a more pleasant topic:  cancer.   Lynette explains the chemo's going okay but she had to fire Tom as her "chemo buddy."  She says every time he came "it felt like the last 20 minutes of "Brian's Song."   Love that line!

So she hints she's in the market for a replacement for Tom.  All the wives, but one volunteer to be available whenever Lynette needs them.  A touched Lynette thanks them before watching the lone holdout, Gabby sip her coffee without saying a word.

Once she's outta there, Bree goes home and attempts to re-create that lemon meringue pie.  She's got five on the counter when Orson walks in and she tells him the whole sordid story.  He's outraged saying the whole incident was "culinary terrorism."  Hee.

Bree admits sadly that not only did her friends think the pie was better, she thought it was also.  And that "simple green salad?"  It had more exotic greens than a five star restaurant.

Orson's says, "My God she plays to win."   

Orson takes a taste of one of Bree's five pies and says that one is really good.  Bree nearly has a coronary because that one's Kat's.

Orson's like, you may just have to break down and ask her for the recipe.  Bree sees that as surrender, debasement of the highest order and unacceptable.  If she loses her claim as Fairview's number one hostess, Bree says she will lose her whole identity.  Yo Bree, that's what you get for basing your whole identity on the moistness of a muffin.

Lynette goes to see Gabby to tell her she's upset she didn't volunteer to be her chemo buddy.  After all even Kat, who isn't her friend volunteered.  Gabby says she figured she wasn't needed 'cause everyone else had it covered.  But Lynette really wants Gabby there because she's the most fun of all the wives.  When Gabby says she doesn't like hospitals, Lynette, being mean again, makes it a test of their friendship.  Gabby caves and agrees to let Lynette pencil her into the chemo buddy schedule.

Susan tells a sulky Julie that as long as she doesn't tell Mike, Julie can go to the party.  Julie's happy abou that but she's like, Mom, haven't you learned how to be an adult yet and just tell your husband what you feel?  Susan says she loves that he cares so much about Julie and wants him to feel like he has input in their lives.

Bree decides to take the pie battle to the enemy.  She arrives at Kat's house with a "housewarming gift."  It's her her special Thanksgiving mincemeat pie recipe.  It's all perfectly tied up with a yellow ribbon and ready to slip in the recipe file.  Kat thanks her.

Bree then gets to the real point of her visit.  She wants a copy of the lemon meringue pie recipe.

"Oh, I don't share that," Kat says.  That's because it has a secret ingredient and if she gave Bree the recipe it wouldn't be secret anymore.  You can tell Bree wants to slap Kat all the way back to Chicago, but good breeding will out.  She says Kat's attitude is  hardly neighborly since she gave Kat her mincemeat pie recipe.

Kat says it's a good recipe, too.  "I have the book it came from."

Gasp!

Bree straightens her spine even more than it usually is and tells Kat the recipe was handed down from her sainted mother and not from any book.

"Well unless your mother was Betty Crocker, she got it from a book."

Wow!  This is like suburban nuclear war!

Bree's hair becomes an even brighter shade of red and she wants to know why Kat is determined that they get off on the wrong foot.  That's one way of putting it.  Kat says she doesn't like being dictated to and especially being told what she can and can not bring to a lunch that was her idea. 

"I do hope this doesn't keep us from being friends, because I like you Bree.  The trick is finding that perfect blend of sweet and sour."

"Well, you certainly mastered that, dear."  Bree might as well replaced that "dear" with the strongest epithet you can think of, 'cause that's what she meant.

Round three to Kat Mayfair!

Susan has a big surprise for Mike.  In fact, two big surprises:  her pregnancy enhanced boobs.  She's wearing a Victoria's Secret special that pushes them nearly up to her nose and Mike is thrilled.  In between necking on the bed, he thanks Susan for backing him up with Julie about the party.   Especially since he drove by the house on his way home and he could see the party getting out of control:   topless girls, drunken teens.  He's sure the cops will be there any minute.

Susan bolts out of bed and says she and Mike can't have sex without whipped cream, so she's gonna go out and get some.  She grabs a coat and flies out of the house.  Now when I first saw this scene, I was certain Mike said all that about the party because he knew Julie was there and he wanted to teach Susan a lesson for lying to him.  We'll just have to see.

It's Edie's birthday and Carlos presents her with a tiny birthday cake.  For a guy with $10 million he could have really sprung for a bigger cake.  Anyway, he can't wait to see what he got her.

Edie gives him a printed card that has the word "Yes" on it.  She then gets on one knee and asks him to marry her.  Carlos is confused until she tells him he can now read the card.  Carlos is like, I'm not marrying you, but Edie reminds him that wives can't testify against their husbands.   So if the IRS happened to hear about his illegal $10 million, she would be able to protect him.  Carlos knows a threat when he hears one. "We're engaged."

Edie says, "I think I'm gonna cry."

Carlos says, "Yeah, me too."

Meanwhile, at the teen Sodom and Gomorrah, Dylan is talking to Julie about what McCluskey told her.  It seems Kat always said her Dylan's Dad took off right after she was born.  Julie says to confront her.  By the way, the party looks pretty tame to me.  I don't know what Mike was talking about.

There's a knock at the door.  Birthday boy, Matt opens it and there's Susan with her enormous boobs on full display.  Matt mistakes her for a birthday stripper and rounds up the boys for a show.  One brainless kid tries to put a dollar in Susan's bra.  When Susan says she's not a stripper, one of the pimply faced ones asks, "Then what's with the implants? 

"I'm pregnant!" Susan yells.

The kid looks amazed.  "That's hot!"

When Susan finds Julie and Dylan, she says they're both going home with her.  Julie's like, Mom, what's your problem?  Susan starts ranting about Julie drinking God knows what until Julie shows her she's drinking orange soda.

When they get home, Julie says to Dylan, "Call me tomorrow.  We'll go to a movie my Mom can drag us out of."  Susan feels guilty, especially when Julie does her "I'm the mature one in this mother/daughter relationship" speech.  She tells Susan, in future, make a decision and stick to it and no more lying.

Mike's sitting on the front steps and says one of Julie's friends called because she was worried when she saw her leaving with a stripper.  Heh.   Julie then tells Mike about the whole deception...okay, so he didn't know Julie was there, but I still don't know what party he saw.

Exasperated with her perfect daughter Susan says, "This perfect teenager thing is really starting to chap my ass." 

Gabby's Lynette's chemo buddy for the day and she's not doing too well at it.  First she went to the bathroom for half an hour, then she got a magazine on the newest hairstyles, and now she wants to go to the car to get a shawl. 

Lynette says, "You really don't want to be here do you?"  Well, dah, Lynette.  She told you she didn't want to be there.

It turns out Gabby's father had cancer and it took months for him to die.  During his last weeks, Gabby's mother made everyone stand around his beside smiling so that Dad wouldn't feel bad.  Gabby learned this appalling lesson at five years old and when Dad died, there she was sitting by his beside smiling.  It gave her a great career as a model, smiling when you really wanted to be expressing something else, but it made her feel really lousy about not being able to express her feelings about her dying Dad.  Now isn't that a nice burden for some misguided mother to put on her child?

Gabby gets emotional about possibly losing Lynette and Lynette comforts her.

Dylan's looking through a baby book with a pretty little yellow cover, in her hideously painted, green and yellow room.  There's a picture of Dylan as a girl with her Mom, but it looks like someone else was snipped out of the shot.  Dylan finds Kat and says she wants to talk to her.  Kat says fine, as long as she rides with her to go pick up hubby Adam.

Mary Alice tells us that Queen Bree was unsuccessful in trying to copy that lemon meringue pie recipe.  So Bree decides to take stronger measures.  When she sees Kat and Dylan leave, she uses a key she has to their house---I have no idea how she got it---and goes to raid Kat's recipe box.  She's stunned to find it padlocked.

Cut to Bree knocking on Mike and Susan's door.  Mike answers and Bree tells him she's baking and wants to borrow something.  Cut to Bree with a humongous lock cutter back in Kat's house in front of the recipe box of secrets.

Adam must not work too far away because he, Kat and Dylan are pulling up in the driveway.  Dylan's told Kat about what McCluskey said and Kat dismisses McCluskey as senile.  Dylan insists she's not and wants to know why Kat would say her father didn't care about her.

In mid-clip Bree hears them coming.  She hides in the kitchen, but can still hear their conversation.

"Your father was a monster," Kat says, adding that she doesn't know where he is.  When Dylan accuses her of lying, saying, "I'm starting to think maybe you're the monster,"  Kat smacks her one across the face.

Dylan runs upstairs and Kat's pissed because Dylan's so ungrateful of all she's done for her.  Adam points out Dylan doesn't know what she's done for her and says she's just going to keep asking questions.  Kat suggests coming up with better lies.  That's one option.

After hearing all this Bree goes home---without the recipe mind you---and tells Orson she knows Kat's secret and it has nothing to do with pie.

Meanwhile, Carlos is meeting with someone at a restaurant and talking about Edie.  He doesn't want her to ruin his life so he hands over a wad of cash in an envelope to a thuggish looking guy.  Could it be for a hit?  Personally I don't think so.  More like paying someone to seduce her away from him.

At the hospital, Lynette's having a chemo party with balloons, party favors and all the wives there.  They set up the camera to take a group picture and Mary Alice reminds us that sometimes there's nothing more deceptive than a smile and the people who hide behind it.  Sometimes it's a silly grin to ward off fear (Lynette).  Sometimes a beaming face to keep back tears (Gabby)  And sometimes "it's the smile of a person who knows his troubles will soon be over."  And that my friends, is Carlos.

Mary Alice begins our morality play today by talking about smiles.  Smiles that mask despair, rage or "the tiniest bit of regret."

"That's why in the suburbs," Mary Alice says, "there's nothing more deceptive than a smile.  Perfectly illustrating that, Katherine Mayfair smiles sweetly and waves at Susan, Gabby and Queen Bree across the street.  They're trying to figure out what Julie meant last week when she said Dylan was a different girl.  Gabby wants to know if "different" means changed, or if "different" means replaced by a robot.  Heh.

Kat comes over and asks who they're dishing.  The wives are flustered until Gabby blurts out, "Susan."  That's not real convincing since Susan's right there, but Kat lets it pass.  Instead she suggests bringing lunch to Lynette to cheer her up, what with her having cancer and all.  All the ladies think it's a great idea and Queen Bree goes into super hostess mode assigning dishes to the others like Margaret Thatcher assigning orders to the troops.  When Bree tells Kat she can bring a "simple, green salad," Kat says she'd rather bring dessert. Well, Queen Bree sets her straight on that one, she always brings dessert, and she's got a lemon meringue pie recipe all ready to go. 

What follows is a clash of suburban titans.  Super hostess smackdown 2007.  In this corner, defending champion, Bree Van De Camp---I refuse to call her Hodge---and in this corner, challenger Katherine Mayfair.

Kat says the movers lost her salad bowls but she knows where her pie plates are.  Bree's like, well the pie plates won't be needed 'cause be-atch, I always brings dessert.  There's a long pregnant pause while the others wait expectantly.  When Susan can't take it anymore, she jumps in and says she'll lend Kat a salad bowl.  After all, she really should try Queen Bree's pie because it's perfect. 

"Who am I to argue with perfection?" Kat asks.  But the battle's not done.  She tells Bree something's been driving her crazy, and quicker than you can say Martha Stewart, she whips out manicuring scissors and snips a hanging thread....GASP!....off the bottom of Bree's skirt.

There's that smile again.  "Now you're perfect." 

Bree is mortified.

First round to Kat Mayfair!

Tom and Lynette are playing cards while Lynette gets her chemo treatment .  Tom tells Lynette she's a great trooper, reminiscing about Lynette's forty-two hour labor to bring Parker into the world with no meds.  Tom tells the story as if he's taking inventory of her life before she up and dies.  Lynette doesn't like it and says to stop composing her eulogy.  After all, she's "still troopin'.  Tom then gets teary-eyed talking about how one rainy day they played cards on their honeymoon...

"You're doing it again." Lynette says

When Tom puts down a card she was waiting for Lynette figures out he's been letting her win.  The last straw is when he emotionally tells her how much he loves her.  Lynette's tosses him out and says she'll go home in a cab.

Now I gotta tell you, I know she's got cancer and everything, but I thought Tom was being sweet and supportive.  For her to throw him out was kinda mean.  That's okay Tom, I know your heart was in the right place.

Carlos comes home to find Edie has, as the game show hosts would say...a brand new car!  Edie tells him it's his birthday present to her.  That's news to him since the car cost a whopping $80,000.  Carlos says he was going to get her earrings.  Heh.

When Carlos says he can't afford the car Edie tells him to move some of his offshore money, on shore.  Carlos is like, ixnay about the moneyay.  Edie's curious.  She wants to know if all that money was ill-gotten.  He says, if you don't want me to go to jail, ixnay about the moneyay.

Edie agrees to take the car back and says she'll come back with something that's more in his price range.  Uh oh.

Susan goes over to Kat's with the promised salad bowl and flashes back to the day when she and Mary Alice came over to ask Kat what was up with the moving van in the driveway.  Susan has this ugly chin length shoulder bob wig and Mary Alice is as tall as ever and looking good for a murderer.  When faced with their questions Kat acts all guilty and weird.  She says she's got a new job in Chicago, they're moving, she'll miss them, nice knowing you, goodbye.  She won't even let Julie say goodbye to Dylan.

Kat's door opens and we're back in the present.  Susan asks how that job in Chicago worked out.  Kat's like, job?  What job?  Oh, that job...yeah, yeah, it worked out well, gotta go.  She grabs the bowl and closes the door in Susan's face.

Mike and Susan are having pancakes for breakfast and Susan's going crazy on the syrup.  Mike says something about her and the baby both getting fat.  Now Mike, I like you. I think you're character is seriously underrated and you've got a great subtle hotness that I find particularly appealing, but any more comments like that and I'm gonna have to take you down.

Anyway, Susan does that pregnant woman guilt thing about screaming in labor pain thinking about how the father of her child denied her syrup.   Mike shuts up.  Julie comes in, sees the syrup and is about to add her two cents when Mike signals, ixnay on the syrupay.

Julie wants to go to some party around the corner and Mike pipes up that he's done work at that house and those kids have some wild parties.  He says he'd hate to tell them what he's snaked out of their toilet.  Julie's like, Mom said I could go.  Mike's like, I don't think you should, but it's up to your Mom.  They both look at Susan and wait.  Susan hesitates and then being the wuss that she is, decides to side with Mike.  A pissed Julie storms out.

Mrs McCluskey's getting her mail and sees Dylan on the street.  It's obvious Dylan doesn't remember her but McCluskey goes on about her memories of Dylan as a girl.  Like the time her Dad put a bell on her pretty new bike.  Dylan's like Dad, what Dad?  He left when I was a baby.  McCluskey's says not really.

Lynette's luncheon is in full swing and the wives are about to have pie and coffee.  Gabby's the first to taste the pie and gushes it's the best pie Bree's every made.  Kat has a little smirk on her face as the rest of them taste it.  When Bree takes a bite, she looks like she's been poisoned.  It's not her pie!

Kat grins smugly, "You caught me." Turns out that was Kat's pie.  She put Bree's in the fridge and served hers because she wanted so much for them to taste it. 

Queen Bree is fit to be tied.  She's like, I thought we all agreed I was bringing dessert.  Kat's says she was hoping they would give her some tips to improve her ecipe.  Bree smiles tightly and says there are obviously no tips needed.  As her friends said, it's the best pie ever made in the history of the world.

Kat says perhaps Bree shouldn't have said anything.  Kat would have been very happy for everyone to think it was Bree's.  Oh, she's good.  Second round to Kat Mayfair!

Susan gets out of this uncomfortable conversation by choosing a more pleasant topic:  cancer.   Lynette explains the chemo's going okay but she had to fire Tom as her "chemo buddy."  She says every time he came "it felt like the last 20 minutes of "Brian's Song."   Love that line!

So she hints she's in the market for a replacement for Tom.  All the wives, but one volunteer to be available whenever Lynette needs them.  A touched Lynette thanks them before watching the lone holdout, Gabby sip her coffee without saying a word.

Once she's outta there, Bree goes home and attempts to re-create that lemon meringue pie.  She's got five on the counter when Orson walks in and she tells him the whole sordid story.  He's outraged saying the whole incident was "culinary terrorism."  Hee.

Bree admits sadly that not only did her friends think the pie was better, she thought it was also.  And that "simple green salad?"  It had more exotic greens than a five star restaurant.

Orson's says, "My God she plays to win."   

Orson takes a taste of one of Bree's five pies and says that one is really good.  Bree nearly has a coronary because that one's Kat's.

Orson's like, you may just have to break down and ask her for the recipe.  Bree sees that as surrender, debasement of the highest order and unacceptable.  If she loses her claim as Fairview's number one hostess, Bree says she will lose her whole identity.  Yo Bree, that's what you get for basing your whole identity on the moistness of a muffin.

Lynette goes to see Gabby to tell her she's upset she didn't volunteer to be her chemo buddy.  After all even Kat, who isn't her friend volunteered.  Gabby says she figured she wasn't needed 'cause everyone else had it covered.  But Lynette really wants Gabby there because she's the most fun of all the wives.  When Gabby says she doesn't like hospitals, Lynette, being mean again, makes it a test of their friendship.  Gabby caves and agrees to let Lynette pencil her into the chemo buddy schedule.

Susan tells a sulky Julie that as long as she doesn't tell Mike, Julie can go to the party.  Julie's happy abou that but she's like, Mom, haven't you learned how to be an adult yet and just tell your husband what you feel?  Susan says she loves that he cares so much about Julie and wants him to feel like he has input in their lives.

Bree decides to take the pie battle to the enemy.  She arrives at Kat's house with a "housewarming gift."  It's her her special Thanksgiving mincemeat pie recipe.  It's all perfectly tied up with a yellow ribbon and ready to slip in the recipe file.  Kat thanks her.

Bree then gets to the real point of her visit.  She wants a copy of the lemon meringue pie recipe.

"Oh, I don't share that," Kat says.  That's because it has a secret ingredient and if she gave Bree the recipe it wouldn't be secret anymore.  You can tell Bree wants to slap Kat all the way back to Chicago, but good breeding will out.  She says Kat's attitude is  hardly neighborly since she gave Kat her mincemeat pie recipe.

Kat says it's a good recipe, too.  "I have the book it came from."

Gasp!

Bree straightens her spine even more than it usually is and tells Kat the recipe was handed down from her sainted mother and not from any book.

"Well unless your mother was Betty Crocker, she got it from a book."

Wow!  This is like suburban nuclear war!

Bree's hair becomes an even brighter shade of red and she wants to know why Kat is determined that they get off on the wrong foot.  That's one way of putting it.  Kat says she doesn't like being dictated to and especially being told what she can and can not bring to a lunch that was her idea. 

"I do hope this doesn't keep us from being friends, because I like you Bree.  The trick is finding that perfect blend of sweet and sour."

"Well, you certainly mastered that, dear."  Bree might as well replaced that "dear" with the strongest epithet you can think of, 'cause that's what she meant.

Round three to Kat Mayfair!

Susan has a big surprise for Mike.  In fact, two big surprises:  her pregnancy enhanced boobs.  She's wearing a Victoria's Secret special that pushes them nearly up to her nose and Mike is thrilled.  In between necking on the bed, he thanks Susan for backing him up with Julie about the party.   Especially since he drove by the house on his way home and he could see the party getting out of control:   topless girls, drunken teens.  He's sure the cops will be there any minute.

Susan bolts out of bed and says she and Mike can't have sex without whipped cream, so she's gonna go out and get some.  She grabs a coat and flies out of the house.  Now when I first saw this scene, I was certain Mike said all that about the party because he knew Julie was there and he wanted to teach Susan a lesson for lying to him.  We'll just have to see.

It's Edie's birthday and Carlos presents her with a tiny birthday cake.  For a guy with $10 million he could have really sprung for a bigger cake.  Anyway, he can't wait to see what he got her.

Edie gives him a printed card that has the word "Yes" on it.  She then gets on one knee and asks him to marry her.  Carlos is confused until she tells him he can now read the card.  Carlos is like, I'm not marrying you, but Edie reminds him that wives can't testify against their husbands.   So if the IRS happened to hear about his illegal $10 million, she would be able to protect him.  Carlos knows a threat when he hears one. "We're engaged."

Edie says, "I think I'm gonna cry."

Carlos says, "Yeah, me too."

Meanwhile, at the teen Sodom and Gomorrah, Dylan is talking to Julie about what McCluskey told her.  It seems Kat always said her Dylan's Dad took off right after she was born.  Julie says to confront her.  By the way, the party looks pretty tame to me.  I don't know what Mike was talking about.

There's a knock at the door.  Birthday boy, Matt opens it and there's Susan with her enormous boobs on full display.  Matt mistakes her for a birthday stripper and rounds up the boys for a show.  One brainless kid tries to put a dollar in Susan's bra.  When Susan says she's not a stripper, one of the pimply faced ones asks, "Then what's with the implants? 

"I'm pregnant!" Susan yells.

The kid looks amazed.  "That's hot!"

When Susan finds Julie and Dylan, she says they're both going home with her.  Julie's like, Mom, what's your problem?  Susan starts ranting about Julie drinking God knows what until Julie shows her she's drinking orange soda.

When they get home, Julie says to Dylan, "Call me tomorrow.  We'll go to a movie my Mom can drag us out of."  Susan feels guilty, especially when Julie does her "I'm the mature one in this mother/daughter relationship" speech.  She tells Susan, in future, make a decision and stick to it and no more lying.

Mike's sitting on the front steps and says one of Julie's friends called because she was worried when she saw her leaving with a stripper.  Heh.   Julie then tells Mike about the whole deception...okay, so he didn't know Julie was there, but I still don't know what party he saw.

Exasperated with her perfect daughter Susan says, "This perfect teenager thing is really starting to chap my ass." 

Gabby's Lynette's chemo buddy for the day and she's not doing too well at it.  First she went to the bathroom for half an hour, then she got a magazine on the newest hairstyles, and now she wants to go to the car to get a shawl. 

Lynette says, "You really don't want to be here do you?"  Well, dah, Lynette.  She told you she didn't want to be there.

It turns out Gabby's father had cancer and it took months for him to die.  During his last weeks, Gabby's mother made everyone stand around his beside smiling so that Dad wouldn't feel bad.  Gabby learned this appalling lesson at five years old and when Dad died, there she was sitting by his beside smiling.  It gave her a great career as a model, smiling when you really wanted to be expressing something else, but it made her feel really lousy about not being able to express her feelings about her dying Dad.  Now isn't that a nice burden for some misguided mother to put on her child?

Gabby gets emotional about possibly losing Lynette and Lynette comforts her.

Dylan's looking through a baby book with a pretty little yellow cover, in her hideously painted, green and yellow room.  There's a picture of Dylan as a girl with her Mom, but it looks like someone else was snipped out of the shot.  Dylan finds Kat and says she wants to talk to her.  Kat says fine, as long as she rides with her to go pick up hubby Adam.

Mary Alice tells us that Queen Bree was unsuccessful in trying to copy that lemon meringue pie recipe.  So Bree decides to take stronger measures.  When she sees Kat and Dylan leave, she uses a key she has to their house---I have no idea how she got it---and goes to raid Kat's recipe box.  She's stunned to find it padlocked.

Cut to Bree knocking on Mike and Susan's door.  Mike answers and Bree tells him she's baking and wants to borrow something.  Cut to Bree with a humongous lock cutter back in Kat's house in front of the recipe box of secrets.

Adam must not work too far away because he, Kat and Dylan are pulling up in the driveway.  Dylan's told Kat about what McCluskey said and Kat dismisses McCluskey as senile.  Dylan insists she's not and wants to know why Kat would say her father didn't care about her.

In mid-clip Bree hears them coming.  She hides in the kitchen, but can still hear their conversation.

"Your father was a monster," Kat says, adding that she doesn't know where he is.  When Dylan accuses her of lying, saying, "I'm starting to think maybe you're the monster,"  Kat smacks her one across the face.

Dylan runs upstairs and Kat's pissed because Dylan's so ungrateful of all she's done for her.  Adam points out Dylan doesn't know what she's done for her and says she's just going to keep asking questions.  Kat suggests coming up with better lies.  That's one option.

After hearing all this Bree goes home---without the recipe mind you---and tells Orson she knows Kat's secret and it has nothing to do with pie.

Meanwhile, Carlos is meeting with someone at a restaurant and talking about Edie.  He doesn't want her to ruin his life so he hands over a wad of cash in an envelope to a thuggish looking guy.  Could it be for a hit?  Personally I don't think so.  More like paying someone to seduce her away from him.

At the hospital, Lynette's having a chemo party with balloons, party favors and all the wives there.  They set up the camera to take a group picture and Mary Alice reminds us that sometimes there's nothing more deceptive than a smile and the people who hide behind it.  Sometimes it's a silly grin to ward off fear (Lynette).  Sometimes a beaming face to keep back tears (Gabby)  And sometimes "it's the smile of a person who knows his troubles will soon be over."  And that my friends, is Carlos.