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August 01, 2007

Live Blog: Whoopi's The New Co-Host Of "The View"

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Here it is, the day we've all been waiting for and this is a live blog of "The View's" "huge announcement that will change the show forever."  I put a picture of Whoopi Goldberg up and picked the title of this post before the show started because I'm sure it's going to be Whoopi.  If I'm wrong, I'm going to look like an awful fool.

Well, here they come, the two surviving gabby girls, Joy Behar and Elisabeth Hasselbeck and the Queen Bee herself, Barbara Walters.  Because this is a women's show, today I'm going to do the obligatory comments on their outfits.  Babs is looking good in a creamy yellow pantsuit.  Joy looks like it's the middle of December in a gray turtleneck and Elisabeth, say what you want about her, but the girl looks great in her floaty chocolate brown summer dress.

The first thing Babs says:  "You may notice that we're only three, but we're almost four.  We are very excited, this is a very big day for us."  She then goes on to say "However, all is not good in the world...the bad girls are having a bad day."  Oh great, they're gonna hold off the big announcement until the last two minutes of the show aren't they?

Looks like they are.  We launch into a discussion of Britney's bad mothering, and Babs holds up two nude pix of Britney with her butt crack covered.  Joy thinks Britney needs to move out of the country.  I'm with you Joy.  A stint in the Australian Outback for a couple of years might knock some sense into that crazy broad.

Nicole Ritchie's four months pregnant and she's got to spend her four days in jail. Elisabeth's pissed that she's not getting married first.  Before she got pregnant that is.  Not before jail.

Now we move on to breastfeeding.  Elisabeth's saying something and I'm totally tuning her out.  Where's Whoopi?

After the break we're told the announcement is coming "later in the program." Yep, that's means the last two minutes.

It seems PETA's new book "Skinny Bitch" tries to pretend it's a trendy weight loss bible with Posh Spice on the cover, when it's really a vegan diet book that beats up on the rest of us for enjoying our Peter Luger steaks and Butterball turkeys.  Look PETA, I'd give up meat if I could, but if I can't give up chocolate how do you expect me to give up my ham and egg omelet?  I have enough limits in my life already.

While discussing the point that some cultures eat dogs (ew!) Joy pipes up, "In some countries a BLT is a Bacon, Lassie and Tomato."  Good one Joy.

Babs seg-ways to talk of writing a memoir.  She says it would be hard for her since she never kept any diaries and to remember things that happened thousand of years ago when she started in the business would be too tough.

She tells a funny story about how recently after running into Barack Obama she invited him to come on "The View."  He said,  "Barbara, I have been on "The View."  She said, "Well obviously I wasn't on that day."  He said "Yes you were."  Burn!

Next up?  We have to sit through Jon Voight.  Remember when he was a real actor and not just part of Angelina Jolie's dysfunctional childhood?  He's in some movie "September Dawn" about a Mormon fanatic---isn't that redundant?---getting some of his glassy eyed disciples to kill a whole bunch of innocent people 150 years ago on September 11th no less.  It looks depressing and awful and I'd rather sit through three showings of any Adam Sandler movie than see it.

Oh oh.  Babs just brought up Angelina and we find out that Voight's never seen her kids and he hasn't seen her, but he says "there's been talk about that, but we haven't been in touch yet."  That's code for "I want to see her in my old age before I die, but she's said stay away from me old man or I'll have a restraining order taken out on your butt."

During the break, audience member Brandi teases us, "The new co-host revealed when "The View" returns on ABC."

We come back and it's...Kid's Summer Gadgets.  People, kid's don't need anymore summer gadgets.  Give 'em a sprinkler, a soccer ball and a jump rope and that should be plenty.  Where. Is. Whoopi? 

Anybody else think this gadget guy is always a little too hyped up?  First he shows us, the extendable marshmallow skewer.  It looks like a toy gun with a long metal skewer on the end and get this, it rotates. Pair that with the Hammacher Schelmmer 50' Marshmallow Blaster and you're in business.  Joy however looks at it with the contempt it deserves. 

Gadget guy shows us some other useless stuff including an underwater surf board and then mercifully after yelling at the audience, "You guys get one of everything!!!!" He's outta there.  Somebody get that guy some Valium.

All right it's 11:45 and we're in commercial break.  How much do you think Monistat had to pay for that yeast infection commercial.  Big bucks I bet ya'

Back from the break, do we get the announcement now?

Babs speaks:

"You are about to meet the new moderator of "The View" and we are thrilled.  She is brilliant, she's funny, she's an enormous talent, she's an Oscar winning actress, a Broadway superstar and we have her.  Please join us in welcoming  Whoopi Goldberg!"  Whew!  No egg on my face today.

Woo hoo, Whoopi.

Whoopi's first words: "I am in the moderator's chair.  My goodness can I handle it?  I hope so."

"I love this show." She continues.  "This is a big ol' thrill for me.  But, oh my God, people were calling, I had to take the phone off the hook.  My mother was like, is it true?  I was like, I don't know what you mean.  But it's a great opportunity to have some fun with folks and with you guys."

Joy and Elisabeth say they're thrilled to have her.

"What are you looking forward to the most and what are you looking forward to the least? Babs asks her.

"The thing I'm looking forward to the most is just the hot topics." Whoopi says. "The thing I'm looking forward to to the least?  Trying to get in between everyone talking at one time."

After reading off a list of Whoopi's awards Joy asks, "Do you think that with you here, we'll win the daytime Emmy?"  Joy, I think you actually have half a shot now. 

Whoopi tells her, "You know what, I'll make my own Emmy for us."

This being a woman's show and everything, Babs has to ask, "Have you thought about your wardrobe?"

"Not one iota," Whoopi says. "But I will be a little neater than normal."

Babs then has her do her imitation of Marlena Dietrich singing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game."  It's spot on and really funny but I don't know what that has to do with anything.

Whoopi then promises to be edgy but within the restraints of live television.

She starts September 4, the day after Labor Day which will be a little problem for me 'cause it's right in the middle of the US Open, but I'll just have to manage.

I'm very excited to see where the show goes from here.  Whoopi will add a generous dose of humor while still managing to keep the gabby girls in line.  And time will tell how up front she is with some of her very strong political opinions in the upcoming presidential season.  It can only make for some entertaining television.

After the break Babs has her do "The View" sig out, "Have a great day and take a little time to enjoy The View."

Can't wait Whoopi.  Congratulations

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