"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Mother Said" (5/11/08)

In honor of Mother's Day, this episode highlights the stories of the mothers of Wisteria Lane.

Mike's mother, Adele comes to visit and gives Susan all kinds of hell.  She's a southern lady who refers to the Civil War as the War of Northern Aggression and that pretty much tells you everything you need to know about Adele.

That and the fact that her mission in Fairview is to turn Susan into a suitable wife for her son.  That means being a "chef in the kitchen, a maid in the living room and a whore in the bedroom."  And from what Mike's told Mama, Susan's only mastered one of those.  Heh.

Queen Bree and Edie declare all out war over Orson, of all people.  Bree sabotages a house sale for Edie while Edie blackmails Bree when she finds out the secret parentage of Little Ben.  Bree then confesses all to the other wives, and in a show of solidarity, they have a showdown at the Wisteria Lane OK Corral and freeze Edie out of their lives forever.  A chastened Edie leaves town to go visit her own son.

Meanwhile at the Scavo house, or as it's becoming known, the house of Evil and Gullible Children, Tom and Lynette have hired a shrink to fix the family.  Or rather, Tom thinks it's to fix the family, Lynette thinks it's to fix Kayla.  'Cause there couldn't be anything else wrong with Lynette's family, could there?

Kayla, however is not having it, so whenever Doc Dolan is around, she plays the loving, dutiful daughter who can't understand why Mommy hates her so.  Doc Dolan suggests Lynette and Kayla spend some alone time together on a shopping trip, but that doesn't work too well, since Kayla is not above blackmailing Lynette to get that pretty new outfit she wants.

When she crosses the line by speculating about all the dangerous things she could convince Penny to try, a la P & P jumping off the roof, Lynette smacks her a good one.  The first chance she gets, Kayla rats out Lynette to Doc Dolan, explaining how it's not the first time Lynette has hit her.  The spawn of the devil, that one.

Movie Trailer Parodies: Big YouTube Fun

Need some humor in your life?  Have I got some YouTube videos for you!

Recently during one of my regular YouTube forays, I uncovered a stockpile of entertaining movie trailer parodies, or recuts as they're sometimes called.  I happen to hate "Mary Poppins."  What's that got to do with movie trailer parodies?  Read on. 

First up, a work of true genius and my favorite clip.  Based on the blockbuster 1997 movie, "Titanic." It's called, "Titanic: Two The Surface," and tells the story of Jack Dawson after the sinking.

My next favorite, "Dirty Dancing," turns that harmless little movie about a family's vacation in the Catskills into something much more sinister.

More Thoughts On Justine Henin

Image details: BEL: Justine Henin Announces Her Retirement served by picapp.com

Now that I've picked my jaw up off the ground, I'm ready to say more about the retirement of world No.1 tennis player Justine Henin.

As commenter Denise pointed out to me yesterday, it's possible I jumped the gun with my speculation about why she's really retiring.  Besides the reasons I mentioned yesterday, if I'm honest, part of my reason for speculating is that I don't like her.  You see, I hold grudges---it's a character flaw that with a lot of drugs and a little therapy, I might be able to overcome, but until then, there it is.

The primary reason is the French Open semi-final she played against Serena Williams in 2003 which is described in this article by Howard Fendrich at NBC Sports.com.

However, let's go out on an high note, shall we?  I'm here to write about my memories of the 5' 6" powerhouse from Belgium.  The first that pops into my head is the semi-final she played at the 2003 US Open against Jennifer Capriati.   That match, which went into the wee hours of the night was one of the best matches I've ever seen. 

Jennifer threw every tennis skill she owned at Henin, was two points away from winning the match at least ten times, and Henin would not go away.  She was down 5-2 in the third, came back to beat Capriati, and after needing IV fluids to replenish herself, went on to win the tournament the next night.

And what about all those clashes with Serena Williams?  There were many and they were fiery.  Unlike Aranxta Sanchez-Vicario who made up for her short stature with speed, Justine developed her body with a training regimen that would kill most football players and compensated with compact power and consistent groundstrokes.  The rest of her game?  All mental.  She had a will of iron.

From The International Herald Tribune, here are some AP quotes from other players:

"She was a great champion and she gave me a world of trouble, so I hope the best for her. She had a great year last year. ... Gosh, what can you say about such a champion? I don't think we have enough time." — American player Serena Williams.

"She was a great opponent. She always challenged herself to play her best tennis no matter what the circumstances. She was just a real fighter, so I think that was really what made her best." — American player Venus Williams

"She was a great player and achieved so much. She brought a lot to the women's game. ... I'm sorry to hear this thing, but it's her own feeling and her own decision." — Serbian player Ana Ivanovic.

"It's obviously a shock for the tennis world. It's particularly surprising that it came one month before the French Open and two months before Wimbledon, which she has never won. It's unfortunate she is out of the game, but she would have had her reasons." — top-ranked men's player Roger Federer.

So a hearty farewell and good luck to Justine.  Allez!

"Idol" Chit Chat: David vs. Goliath

Okay, now you're asking who's the David in my title, and who's the Goliath?   Take a wild guess.

David Cook, your little rocker butt is toast.

The David Archuleta runaway train has left the station and all David Cook can do is get out of the way.  Poor Syesha Mercado didn't have a chance, but I take solace in the knowledge that her performances the last few weeks will give her future singing career a very nice boost.

But take note.  No sooner did I mention the difference between the talent of a Fantasia Barrino and any of the other contestants this year, than the woman herself comes on last night's show and burns a hole in the stage.

As Sherri Shepherd said on "The View" this morning, her strutting, growling show stopping performance was like a cross between James Brown and Tina Turner.  Those sorority girls in the mosh pit didn't have to pretend to be excited, when Fantasia performed, they were excited.  I don't know what she was singing, I couldn't tell what the lyrics were, but I didn't care.  That's the kind of stage presence that's been missing from "American Idol all season long."

She even made me forget about that crazy ass hair color she was sporting.  What an amazing entertainer. 

Oh, and "Idol" ends next week...thank God.

Tennis Shocker: Justine Henin Retires!

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Justine Henin, the number one women's player in the world has announced her retirement at the age of 25!

I don't know about you, but I'm floored.  For her to retire is one thing.  For her to retire right before the French Open, which she loves and which she's won four times is shocking. 

According to BBC Sport:

The 25-year-old insists her decision is final after confirming the shock news in her native Belgium on Wednesday.

"It's the end of a wonderful adventure but it's something I have been thinking about for a long time," said the winner of seven Grand Slam singles titles.

The article continued:

Henin also insists that, unlike many other sports stars who have retired at an early age, she will not change her mind.

"A new future is ahead and I won't go back on this decision," she added.

There's got to be more to this story.  It's entirely possible that Henin's burnt out and after twenty years in tennis, she feels it's time to move on, but I'm wondering if there's not some injury we don't know about or some personal issue we don't know about.

I'm not a huge fan of Henin's, but I respect her work ethic and her accomplishments in the world of tennis.  And once I get my jaw off the ground, I might have more to say about this.
 

"Idol" Chit Chat: Ho Hum Threesome

The most exciting thing about last night's "American Idol?"  The electric in my house has been fixed so my TV didn't go ker-fluey every five minutes.

The least exciting thing about last night's "American Idol?"  The show itself.

We're down to the final three, and to be perfectly honest, I'm bored.  Last night's performances simply reinforced everything I've been saying the last several weeks, so I'll try not to repeat myself too much.

I thought the song choices, except for Syesha Mercado's Alicia Keys' song and David Cook's "Don't Want to Miss A Thing" were awful.

The producers had David Archuleta sing "Longer," a song that has got to be the most sickening song ever written and David sounded sickening singing it.  That Randy would dare to say another "hot one from you," makes me think Jeff Archuleta's slipping him a little something under the table.  "Hot" would in no way describe David's performance of that song.

Syesha was as good as she can be, but the problem is that's only a fraction of how good Fantasia or Kelly Clarkson are, and those are the comparison's she's up against.  David Archuleta tried to be hip with his own song choice but failed miserably and David Cook played Rocker Boy like always.

The best part of the show was they kept it to an hour.

Predictions:

Should Go Home:  David Archuleta.  Syesha's earned her way into the final, David has not.

Will Go Home:  Unfortunately, America will want to see the Battle of the Davids.  Syesha Mercado.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Opening Doors" (5/4/08)

This week's lesson on Wisteria Lane is that if you open your doors to strangers, you might have major problems on your hands.

Last week the Scavos learned the twins, Porter and Preston torched the restaurant of Tom's rival for Lynette's affections. 

Their punishment?  Washing dishes.

Tom thinks that's about as stupid as I do, but Lynette thinks it's perfectly appropriate and will teach them right from wrong.  She wants to handle it "in house."  What are they, a conglomerate?  Tom correctly thinks they need a shrink.

Well it turns out P & P didn't come up with their brilliant idea on their own.  Not that they're not big time JDs in the making.  The Fairview Juvenile Hall has a nice big padded cell picked out just for them, but this time Big Sis Kayla was the brains behind the torching incident.

When Lynette finds out, she furiously tells Tom something needs to be done.  Tom thinks Kayla should do dishes, Lynette think she needs a shrink.  Heh.

Have I mentioned how I can't stand Lynette?  Not because she thinks Kayla needs a shrink 'cause God knows the child is evil with a capital "E," but because anything that relates to Lynette a la P & P is always good and innocent and anything relating to anyone else is automatically bad, bad, bad.

When Lynette tries to take Kayla to a shrink against Tom's wishes, Kayla blackmails her way out of it by threatening to turn P & P in to the cops.  Meanwhile, P & P's punishment for babbling?  Kayla tricks them into trying to jumping off the roof with an umbrella, a la Mary Poppins.  One of them does it and breaks his arm.

On the Bree and Orson front, Orson's drowning his sorrows and complaining about his miserable life at Fairview Towers.  Queen Bree tells him the only way he can come home is if he confesses all to the police and does his time.  He refuses.  Next thing you know, Edie's invited him to stay with her which makes Bree just about as thrilled as you'd expect.

Over martinis Edie makes a play for Orson and though they don't go past kissing, Bree sees them and assumes the worst.

Carlos and Gaby are so strapped for cash, they're renting out a room to a stranger.  Their tenant is Ellie, a supposed art school student.  Ellie is played by Justine Bateman who used to play Mallory Keaton on "Famiy Ties."  I haven't seen Justine in a long time, but she looks like she's done some hard living since those days.

Eventually we discover she's a drug dealer and I suppose that could account for Justine's haggard druggie face, bad druggie makeup, sunken druggie eyes and excessive druggie aging:  she's method acting.  But I don't think so.
 
Susan and Mike are happily awaiting Baby Delfino, but when Susan goes to a Lamaze class without Mike and runs into her ex, Carl, she's insecure about his cute, young, pregnant wife.  Carl is more obnoxious than usual, rubbing his new life in Susan's face.  Then Susan loses it when Mike admits to Carl on another night that he's just out of Camp Rehab.

Dylan's still meeting Psycho Daddy, of the mirrored sunglasses.  He's calling her "Princess" and playing the poor kid like a fiddle.  Dylan covers by telling Kat she's got a new boyfriend, but is not ready to introduce him yet.

One night Kat follows her and discovers the truth about Psycho Daddy.  That same night Psycho Daddy manipulates Dylan into coming clean with Kat.

Kat is kneading dough in the kitchen when Dylan does just that.  Still kneading the dough Kat says, "I knew this day was coming and I prepared myself" 

Dylan goes out to the car to get Psycho Daddy and he's checking himself out in the side view mirror of the car.  What is with him and mirrors?

With a deliciously fake smile, Kat asks Dylan to go up to her  room so she and Psycho Daddy can talk.  We get intermittent closeups of the dough during their conversation which is awesome.

Psycho Daddy tells Kat the same, "I'm different, I've changed" story he's been feeding to "Princess," except Kat ain't hungry.

In a wonderfully chilling speech, Kat give Psycho Daddy the crystal clear message, she ain't afraid of him no more.  On the contrary, he should probably be very afraid of her.  Especially since, the entire time she's talking to him, there's a gun right at her fingertips.

Awesome Dana Delany, awesome scene.

Photo copyright and courtesy ABC

"Idol" Chit Chat: Can David Archuleta Win Without Dad?

This weekend the Associated Press reported that David Archuleta's dad, Jeff has been banned from rehearsals backstage at "American Idol." According to an article by Lynn Elber:

Jeff Archuleta was told this week by producers that he can no longer join 17-year-old son as David as he prepares for the show, the person familiar with the matter told The Associated Press.

Jeff Archuleta pushed the producers into action because last week his actions cost them money:

Despite a warning, Jeff Archuleta insisted on altering "Stand by Me," one of two songs his son sang on the show Tuesday. By adding a verse from Sean Kingston's "Beautiful Girls," the father incurred additional costs for "American Idol," the person said.

Now, I'm not a big David Archuleta fan and never have been for several reasons.  Check out my "Idol" Chit Chats if you don't believe me. Number one, the kid is technically a very good singer, but he has zero presence on stage. He's still "Junior Star Search," but this is "American Idol" and supposed to be the big time.

Plus the producers and the judges have tried to shove this kid down our throats as the de facto winner for weeks now and the truth is, he's not that good.

If Jeff Archuleta, who's been rumored all season to be the worst stage dad ever, is the puppet master pulling little David's strings, it'll be very interesting to see how Pinocchio does this week without Daddy's heavy handed influence.

Via Yahoo

Cross Posted At Video Runway
 

"Idol" Chit Chit: Syesha Survives

The dreads and the pretty eyes finally stopped working for Jason Castro and not a moment too soon.  If somehow America had decided to keep him around instead of say Syesha Mercado, I would have had to fly through the television set, I would have been so outraged.

But luckily for everyone, that wasn't necessary and all is right with the "American Idol world.  Remember, just a few weeks ago, after Michael Johns was ejected, I'd basically said the competition was over for me.  Well, Syesha has changed my mind.  She's now given me someone to root for and I couldn't be happier for her, or for me.

If she can pick three good songs next week and perform the heck out of them like she's been doing the last couple of weeks, the Davids better watch out because America loves an underdog.

Good luck girlfriend!

Technorati Tags: American Idol,television,TV,Syesha Mercado,Simon Cowell,David Archuleta,David Cook

"Lost" Recap: "The Shape Of Things To Come" (4/24/08)

This episode was the first after a hiatus of three weeks.  it was the first post-strike episode and also the first episode where formal war was declared between Ben and Charles Widmore.  Lots of things went "Boom."

Last time we saw the Losties, Michael was being exposed by Sayid to the captain of the Mystery Freighter and Alex, after nearly being being shot by the people who killed Karl and Rousseau, surrendered to the enemy.

We open at the beach.  Jack's under the weather and popping pills.  Kate suggests he eat some crackers and then wonders why Sayid and Desmond aren't back yet.  Jack says he's not worried.

Vincent starts barking like crazy and Bernard yells for help from the shoreline.  Kate and Jack get there in time to help Bernard pull a body out of the water.  A crowd that includes Daniel and Charlotte gathers and when they turn the body over, we see it's Doc Ray from the Mystery Freighter.  His throat's been cut.  He didn't last long, did he?

At Chez Ben, Sawyer, Hurley and Locke are sitting around playing Risk.  Hurley's got Aaron on his lap as Sawyer's attacking Siberia.

Out in the jungle, a blindfolded Alex is being led around by guys with guns.  They force her to turn off the security fence to Lockeville.  As soon as she does, a phone at Chez Ben rings.  Locke picks it up and a computerized voice says "Code 14J" over and over.

In another room, Ben's at the piano playing some kind of morose concerto when Locke and Sawyer burst in.  They ask him about the code.  Ben looks panicked and immediately takes a sawed off shotgun from the piano bench.  Locke and Sawyer are suitably stunned.  Ben orders them to go to "the other house" because it's easier to fortify.

Locke's like, "What are you talking about?"

Ben announces, "They're here."

Opening credits.

"Idol" Chit Chat: Syesha Rising

The electricity in my house has been going ker-bluey the last couple of days and the result is that I missed the first half hour of tonight's "American Idol."  Eeek.

Though, based on the recap at the end of the show, I don't feel like I missed much.  I will however have to get a copy of Syesha's performance of "Proud Mary" 'cause that's the only one I'm interested in seeing.

Best Of The Night:  Syesha Mercado.  I came in on Syesha's second number, and based on that alone, I'm calling Syesha as a dark horse who can win this competition if David Cook and David Archuleta split the teeny bopper vote.  Syesha's been tearing it up the last few weeks, showing the personality she should have been showing all along, and putting in some amazing performances.

Worst Of The Night:  Take a wild guess.  How is it possible that just a few short weeks ago, I thought he was cute.  Now he absolutely annoys the heck out of me.

Still Wildly Overrated:  I feel like a broken record---at least when there were records---David Archuleta.

A Lock For The Final Two:  David Cook.  He seemed like his usual pseudo-rocker self.

Predictions:

Should Go Home:  Take a wild guess.

Will Go Home:  Take the same wild guess.

Anybody know a good electrician?

PS:  This morning (5/7/08) I saw a tape of Syesha's "Proud Mary" performance and the girl's looking like a real winner.  I hope all the voters at home took note.

What Do Bruce Willis & Roger Rees Have In Common?

Image details: Premiere Of "Live Free Or Die Hard" served by picapp.com

New York can be great for celeb sightings, but I haven't had a good one since I saw Hugh Laurie last year walking on 7th Avenue and 57th Street.

And then all of a sudden within a space of three weeks, I had three.  My first sighting was while I was waiting for Kay and Collin in the theatre district a couple of weeks ago.  We were going to see "Gypsy" with Patti LuPone and I was waiting across the street to avoid the crowd in front of our theatre.

Well these two guys strolled slowly by reading the theatre posters next to me.  One man was a shortish  blond, and the other was taller, with greying, dark hair.  The dark haired man struck me as someone I'd seen before and I thought, "Is that...?" 

Surreptitiously I watched as they went down the block and then again as they came back in my direction.  When the gentleman with dark hair walked within chatting distance, I asked in my most non-celeb stalker voice, "Excuse me sir, but are you Roger Rees?"

The skin around his eyes crinkled when he smiled and he said, "Why, yes."

Now I was stuck.   What was I going to say now?  Something about one of his roles?  What did I see him in last?

Was it:

"I loved you on "The West Wing," oh, six years ago..."  Nah.

Or:

You were great in "Nicholas Nickleby," now that was a role!"  No, that was no good.  Partly because it was a role he played twenty years ago.

So I fell back on the good manners my mother taught me, smiled and said:

"I love your work."

He smiled back and in that lovely British accent said, "Why, thank you."

I got a little tingle.  Roger Rees.  All British and classy.  How neat.

It didn't occur to me until later that I'd last seen him in "The Prestige," an excellent movie by the way. 

A few minutes later, Kay and Collin strolled up and were extremely impressed when I told my story.  First that I knew what Roger Rees looked like and second that he spoke to me.

"Lost" Recap: "Meet Kevin Johnson" (3/20/08)

Hello ladies and gentlemen, my name is Kevin Johnson, a.k.a. Michael Dawson, a.k.a. Walt's Dad, a.k.a. the killer of Ana Lucia and Libby.  Good to meet you.

We open at Lockeville in Ben's living room.  Clair, Rousseau, Karl, Sawyer and Hurley are waiting there when Locke comes in with a still tied up Miles. 

Locke announces to the gathering he's going to tell them everything. No more secrets.

Locke brought Miles for a visit so that he can tell the assembled...Lockevillers?  Lockevillites?  Lockevillians?  Lockvilliagers?  Take your pick---why the Fearless Foursome came to the island in the first place.

Miles obliges.  "We're here for him."  "Him" being Ben.

Hurley's like, yeah, and...?  Tell us something we didn't know.

Sawyer's all for turning Ben over right then and there, but Locke says they can't because once the Fearless Foursome have Ben, the crew of the Mystery Freighter has orders to kill everyone else on the island.

Everybody looks at Miles and Miles doesn't deny it.  Claire then says something about how now we're protecting this scum bucket?  Hurley's like, why should we believe Ben when he won't even tell us who the Mystery Freighter spy is?

Ben pipes up, "It's Michael."

Sawyer like, you mean Michael, a.k.a. Walt's Dad, a.k.a. the killer of Ana Lucia and Libby, a.k.a the betraying skunk who let this plague known as Ben out on the loose in the first place? Then sold us all out so he could get off the island? That Michael??

Sawyer man, I understand your pain.

"Yes James," says Locke. "That Michael."

On the Mystery Freighter, Sayid and Desmond are sleeping when emergency sirens start going off.  When they get out on deck they see Gault wailing away on a couple of his crew.  Evidently they were trying to get off the ship in a rubber raft.

Gault's giving them a lecture while he pummels them.  "The rule of desertion...POW... still applies...WHAP...to everyone." He punches them a couple more times. "Nobody leaves this ship without my say so."

The captain continues his heart warming pep talk about how he beat those guys up for their own protection. Remember Minkowski and how he went cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?  If you don't want that to happen to you, keep your heads until we get the engines fixed. 

Gault then calls for Johnson.  When Michael walks up, the captain tells him to "clean this mess up."  I love how it's the only black guy on the ship who has to clean up all the bloody messes.  Coincidence?  I think not.

Michael's like, aye, aye, sir.  After the captain leaves, Sayid goes to Michael and says they need to talk.  Michael's like, can we wait 'til we're somewhere just a little more private?

But Sayid won't be put off.  "Why are you on this boat?"

Michael pauses a beat and then says ominously, "I'm here to die."

Opening credits.

"Idol" Chit Chat: The Last Girl Standing

And that ladies and gentlemen is Syesha Mercado after Brooke White was ejected from “American Idol” last night.

The first shock of the night, the fact that Jason Castro was the first to be told he was safe. Those dreads and pretty eyes are really working for him, because if all was right with the “Idol” world, he’d have been taking his dreads on the road.

The next shock of the night was Ryan announcing that “the rumors” about Paula were all wrong. You know, those rumors that were running rampant after Paula critiqued a song that Jason didn’t sing last night. Like she was drunk, or on drugs, or this close to being fired. Ryan made it clear that Paula wasn’t going anywhere and just to seal the deal Randy and Simon gave her hugs and kisses.

Next to move to the safety couch or chair, or whatever kind of seating it was this week, was David Archuleta, then David Cook. So that left Syesha and Brooke, and after another twenty minutes of filler and Neil Diamond, Brooke was history.

The most emotion I’ve felt from her during the whole season was when she did her sing out of “I Am, I Said” while crying through most of it.

She was sweet, she was sunny—especially when singing “Here Comes The Sun”—and she’ll do very nicely as a traveling folk singer somewhere in the midwest. Good luck, Brooke.

Cross Posted From Video Runway.

"Desperate Housewives" Snap Recap: "Hello Little Girl" (4/27/08)

We open on all the ways Tom Scavo has of lying to his wife.  It's pertinent this week because trust is in short supply at the Scavo household.  Lynette thinks Tom set the fire that burned down Rick's and Tom thinks Lynette and Rick slept together, in spite of Lynette's denials. 

Eventually there's a confrontation between Tom and Rick at the Scavos' restaurant and they go at it right in front of the pizza dough.  They end up in jail and Lynette does her own lying to give Tom a rock solid alibi.

Turns out Lynette should have trusted him because later, in a moment of rare honesty, the obnoxious Scavo twins admit to Lynette that because they were afraid Rick was going to break up the happy Scavo marriage, they set Rick's ablaze. 

You just had to know that those Scavo kids were going to come to no good.

On the lighter side, a jealous Gabby feels threatened by Carlos' beloved new guide dog Roxie, once she finds out the dog doesn't do things like mani-pedis and facials.  So Gabby takes Roxie back to the guide dog trainer while telling Carlos she ran away.  When Edie gets a glimpse of Gabby's continued crappy treatment of Carlos, she sets her straight about how if Gabby doesn't watch it, another woman may be more than happy to tend to Carlos' needs.  That forces Gabby to make peace with sweet, little Roxie.

Meanwhile, Bree, Orson and Little Ben are moving out of Susan's just in time for the return of Mike from Camp Rehab.  Because her hormones are all whacked out, Susan gets more than a little emotional about that, but Queen Bree advises her to do what she does:  shove any and all emotion into a tiny corner of her stomach and then go give the house a good dusting.

Kat asks Queen Bree to cater another event with her, since their Founder's Day Ball last week was such a hit.  Bree agrees only after Kat makes it clear that no matter what, she'll do it anyway and steal all Bree's ideas.

Dylan gets pulled over by a state trooper wearing scary mirrored sunglasses.  Whenever you see a character wearing those mirrored sunglasses you know they're up to no good.  Anyway, Scary Trooper, Gary Cole pulls Dylan over because of some silly excuse and we discover he's the one who circled her picture in the paper last week.

He approaches her later and tells her he's her father.  He admits he was an abusive husband, but that he's now reformed. 

Dylan, sweetie, not wearing those sunglasses, he's not.

After a chit chat over coffee, he manipulates Dylan into continuing to meet with him without telling Kat.  Oh, this can't end well.

Mike comes home from Camp Rehab just in time to find out from Julie that Orson was the one who tried to turn him into a human manhole cover.  Mike confronts Orson and Orson cracks like an egg.  That Camp Rehab stint did Mike a whole lot of good, 'cause without it I think he would have pummeled Orson into the ground like I would have.  Instead he decides to forgive and forget. 

When Mike confides what happened to Susan, she's not so forgiving.  She goes tearing over to the Van De Camp house and rips into Orson right in front of a shocked Bree.

The next day, Susan goes to Bree while she's gardening and says she'll try to learn to forgive Orson but it's not going to happen overnight.  So, if she's not chummy, chummy with the two of them for awhile, Bree will just have to understand.  While Susan is making this little speech, Orson walks out of the house with a packed bag.  Bree kicked him out.

Our final shot is of Orson, all alone in a crappy motel room---probably the same one Adam's staying at---sobbing like a baby.

Photo Courtesy and Copyright ABC